When it comes to teaching men about women and sex, one of the most common questions I get is about women having all the power in relationships. This video clip from a seminar I held in San Francisco answers the question “do women have all the power?”
7 Great Lies About Sexual Pleasure: Lie #7 Women Have All The Power
Where’s that video tape on women having power, I couldn’t
fine on your website
David,
Just watched this clip. Very interesting. I am one of the nice guys. Recently divorced, I am dating and getting serious with a younger woman whom I have told I will treat like a queen, being faithful and honest and never hurt her. The bad boy theory seems interesting because she has had an “active” sex life prior to meeting me but has had failed marriages where the husbands were physically and emotionally abusive. So the “bad Booy therory” is a bit intimidating. Please advise.
I think the only real way women “have the power” is when men give it away. All too often I see guys approval-seeking and trying to cater to her every whim. THAT is how women gain power….
most of the women I meet all they want is an ass that will slap them around me I do not go to bars to meet women but I have yet to meet a lady not a bitch
all women are the same show them the money that is all they care about
For anybody else with the same question as the guy in the clip, I think towards the end David’s point was that high self esteem women will go for the nice guy when they want a committed relationship (although not as likely if he’s a total wus and trys to gain her approval all the time and gives her much more attentian than she gives him e.g. calling all the time, trying to buy her approval with presents & letting her make all the deicsions etc (many of us nice guys have made this mistake) So they want a nice guy outside of the bedroom but who isn’t a total wus but they also want a bad boy in the bedroom. Is that what you meant David ?
Clayton… Bro… be careful about projecting those beliefs into the world. You will attract what you are congruent with. At no point will a woman who has herself together align herself with someone who needs convincing of her existence.
Clayton… You must get there first bro… You will find her in multitudes once you are congruent through and through. I’m telling you this from first hand knowledge.
David’s take home point is summed up as follows… Women require dominance so much that they will put up with the “Badboy bs” just to have that primary need met.
I can almost guarantee you that you are projecting your beliefs and women are avoiding you because they hate being judged for who they are; and women who are worth being with are never going to convince you that they are worth it because they simply don’t have to.
Clayton… Women would like you just the way you are, however, you must do two things. Remove you major insecurities, and get congruent with your natural male dominance.
Or… Do nothing and get used to feeling bad…. I will respect your choice… Will you?
Kevin,
Be the Good Guy in the living room and the Bad Boy in the bedroom. Heck, she wants to be the Lady in the living room and the Naughty Girl in the bedroom. And that’s what you want in a woman. So everybody wins.
David
If the woman or women in your life have all the power it is because you have given your power to them.
Jack
Women crave for value… but value doesn’t exactly mean money or power… unless that’s the only value that you can show… then many will take it as well… as men we need to learn all those other values…. personaliy, fun, good sex, feeling good about ourselves, having a life of our own… in the long run, that’s more powerful than money or power whcih can be gained or lost by chance…
The trick is knowing when to switch from good guy to bad boy–and then back again. For added fun, try being the bad boy in an unexpected but private situation. There’s nothing better than to lean over and whisper something sexy in your date’s ear during a boring dinner. It will get her thinking…
It’s also about letting your desires guide you, no ? (so the switch from good guy to bad boy become natural)
I mean, i used to be a nice guy, but since i learnt how to express my desires or my masculinity (especially in the bedroom), i’m less “frustrated“, sex is greater and to be franck I think women just love that.
Am I right with this theory David ?
Dear David and guests, I am a woman of 45 years. I am newly single, coming out of a stereotypical, dysfunctional relationship and sex life. I have recently been blessed with an active dating life and have had many different sexual partners.I feel like I’m a baby chick just hatching out of the shell for the first time. I’m new to anticipation, sexual texting and email, sending provative photos, rough sex, gentle sex, sex in public, orgasms, different size penis’,dirty talk and role playing.I feel all of it is intriguing and absolutely necessary. I am just now learning about my sexuality and agree wholeheartedly that I am a sexual creature. And I do like your advice, David, ie. Good guy in the living room, Bad boy in the bed room. Similarly you men want ‘a lady in the street and a freak in the bed’. All of this is so wonderful and necessary (if you can find it, you guys need more confidence) but I do find that timing is important and technique are key. If it feels scripted it becomes awkward and my arousal is diminished.
And I agree with William: like attracts like.
David, thank you for your work. I am a novice in this arena and you are really helping to educate me on achieving my sexual potential. I now need to find a worthy partner!
i used to be a really nice guy and i always fell into the category of “non threatening/friend.” one day, my girlfriend at the time dumped me for being too nice. she said she would end up hurting me and needed to end it before that happened. i argued that ending it was hurting me. well, it was a lost cause. i was broken hearted and she was free to see who she wanted. i thought i would never get laid… until one night when i snapped. i was with a girl that was really flirtatious but never let anything happen. she reveled in having power over me. one night, i got sick and tired of it. we were in my room and she was laying on my bed with a short skirt showing off a lot of thigh. i walked over, hitched up her skirt and started kissing her inner thighs. the whole time, i found myself thinking “holy shit, i can’t believe i’m doing this. i can’t believe SHE’s letting me do this.” i’ll never forget the look on her face. at first, it was shock and then it melted into relief. she’d been waiting for me to make a move.
that’s when i discovered that if you don’t make a move, you’ll never make progress. when mr shade talks about being a nice guy in the living room, it means giving her the respect she deserves. be polite. be a gentleman. be sincere and honest. but give her a hint of what she wants. don’t be a sissy. feel free to tell a joke that borders on the racy.
i’m in a monogamous relationship now, but i carry myself with confidence and other women see that. i flirt with them slightly, but i always hold my woman close. she sees how other women react around me and when we get into the bedroom, she tries even harder to make sure that she’s the one i will always choose. it has become a win-win situation for the both of us.
Women have the power in a pickup. You and she both know you want it or you would not be talking to her. She has the power to say yes or no. If you already have a women then you have all the power unless you give it to her by being a wuss.
David makes a very very good point in this video. One that will benefit anyone willing to pay close attention. For me, his views have completely changed my opinion on male female dynamics. So much so that by changing my views, I am attracting attractive, thoughtful, and yes, horny women into my life. By taking the lead and leaving no ‘grey’ area (ie; no lying, COMPLETE honesty), women have responded with dare I say, love.
i also love this . my view is clear
Couldn’t have said it better myself Wonderful information Please keep blogging!!
You may not believe this because it may be soo far out of your reality but here is just one example of the ying/yang good boy – bad boy dynamic that I have put into play in the past.
One day I was sitting on the couch watching a show with my girlfriend. When suddenly I pretended that she said something I didn’t like. I forcefully asked, “What did you say?” and then proceeded to grab her by the hair, literally grabbed her by the hair, and told her to get the fuck up off the couch. She was not sure what the fuck was going on and asked, “What are you doing baby!!!” I then put my hand down her pants and told her, “I am going to fuck you now, little whore, do you fucking understand this!?” And I literally brought her to the bedroom by the hair. By the time we got to the bedroom, her pussy was completely soaked.
I then proceeded to man handle her and say some incredibly dirty things to her, bringing her to several orgasms and finishing by giving her a creamy shower.
The other time, I pretended to be working on a project and asked her to help me find the DUCT TAPE. When she finally found the tape, I pretended to be angry that she took too long finding it and she did it on purpose to screw up my project. Similar scenario as above only this time I taped her hands behind her back. A quick temperature check between her legs said, I want more more more ;)
Nearly two years after I broke up with her and she sends me a txt inviting me to hawaii, this girl will never forget me haha
I agree in theory, good guy turns bad guy in the bedroom in a western culture but what about towards women who have been brought up very strict and old fashion ways and beliefs?
i agree we women don’t want the power ,a man thats not afraid to put his foot down in a way thats not rude is a turn on i don’t like a man that allows me to control him but one that is truly love and can ware me out in bed. (make me say enough)!
Tony, I am going out with a woman who was rasied in a very old fashion family. Let’s just say that with David’s material I have brought out of her this sexual creature that she didn’t know existed. The other day she was yelping and running her nails down the wall while she was having mind blowing orgasms… this wasn’t even intercourse. Give her her first vaginal orgasm, and she’ll be forever addicted to your sexual touch. Be the good guy in the living room that holds her, loves her, tells her she’s beautiful and gives her that feeling of being loved, and there will be little chance that woman will ever leave you. Keep her sexually and emotionally happy, and you got yourself a woman who will stand by you no matter what.
why men don’t want to have oral sex long until the women reach her peak.why so short time what must we do
As a female who loves being a woman and a lady at different intervals, I did enjoy this video. David, you’ve got a good handle on understanding women. No, we do NOT want all the power in the relationship.
On the flip side, no high-self esteem woman will play door mat to a man. (And no man worth being with would want a woman like that.)
Both women and men want and appreciate a challenge. It is stimulating for both sexes. One way to do accomplish this is to know what you want, as well as what you do NOT want in a relationship (and from life, as well) and do NOT ever settle for second best.
Men also want women who can successfully navigate between good girl/bad girl at the right time. The way to earn a woman who will lower her guard with you and to be fully expressive…… letting her see ALLof her sides, is to TRULY and demonstratably care for her. “Treating her well” has to come from the heart.
When the woman in your life KNOWS that she is valued, there is precious little she won’t give to you in return. Good women DO give back to men who are good to them. (If you find yourself with a ‘taker’, dump her for Heaven’s sake, and ask yourself how you attracted that scenario into your life.)
I’ve known men who have found the rare woman who satisfies them on many different levels blow it big time by behaving like an A-Hole and ‘trying to gather all of the power’ in the relationship. I had no sympathy for them when the ladies left, cos they knew fully well what they were capable of bringing to the table, and didn’t settle for crumbs. (Do NOT be that man.)
Thank you David, this was very valuable. And I do appreciate the comments from the men, too. Was pleased to see how many of you are respectful towards women.
David I give you 5 star I love seeing then can you send me more
Larry
David is right on! Men who lead with their needs come across as needy and desperate. So, if you walk into a bar, desperate to get laid, no woman will want to touch you with a ten foot pole.
I had a crush on a guy in college. Before I ever saw him, a friend of mine had told me about him. She said when she returned from an away game with the team (she did stats), the coach asked if one of the guys would oblige by walking her to her dorm. It was after dark, and there had been a few “attacks” on women recently, so everyone was taking precautions. She said that he (let’s call him “Ed”) jumped up immediately and volunteered. Now, my friend was very overweight, back in the 1980s when almost no one was overweight. She had a thyroid condition or something. Most guys wouldn’t want to be seen walking across campus with the fat girl, let’s face it. “Ed” was completely unselfishly kind, friendly and thoughtful. At this point, I had never even seen him. My friend gushed about how nice he was. I thought “hmmm…” I asked her to point him out to me at the next game. She did. The moment I first laid eyes on “Ed” I instantly experienced what I can only describe as “love at first sight.” :) I still think about him to this day. 25 years have passed, but he’s still on a pedestal! I guess I have a bad case of “one-itis”. LOL
Do you want to be the dorky/desperate guy a woman wants to forget (and easily forgets), or the one who becomes the ideal vision of a man that no other man could ever measure up to? The man she won’t forget for as long as she lives?
That’s power, guys. :)
Dave, I wish I knew about you early on in my marriage. Now, 5 years into it, I feel it is too late to turn things around.