She Wants Him To Watch Her **** Two Guys

a single, four-letter word: N-E-X-T ! Friend, you are obviously rejecting this as something fun for you, and if she insists, she isn't respecting you. Move on. You;ll live, she'll live, life goes on. Congratulations on having principles.

First of all, you start by saying you were talking about a fantasy of her's she could make real. Key word "fantasy". You shouldn't be hurt, because after all, you did ask and she felt confident enough in your relationship to open up and tell you. Coming from a woman's point of view, that can be very difficult sometimes. She may have said she wanted you to watch because that way you could be with her when her "fantasy" becomes a reality. To share in her sexuality. Again, she was trusting enough in you and confident in your relationship to share that with you. There are men who like to watch their women with other men. I know it may sound sick to you, but I think it happens more than you realize. Lots of men fantasize about being with 2 women and when it comes right down to it, can't.
Because she says she would like it to be real, doesn't necessarily mean she does. In her mind she may want it real. This is something you can do for her under hypnosis. Lead her into the fact that she is with 2 men and you are watching her. Tell her how beautiful she looks. That this is a side of your lovemaking that you can't see when the 2 of you are together. Instead of getting mad or upset with her, making her not want to share her thoughts with you when you ask, discuss it with her. Calm and rational. Let her know how you feel about
it. Ask her if she would be willing to experiment with it under hypnosis. Just remember…..in all of this, at the moment, it is just a "fantasy". And she trusted and respected you and your relationship enough to share that with you. Show her the same trust as she showed you and I'm sure the 2 of you will come to some sort of reasonable solution.

You gonna be hurt more by her - she was testing you - for some reason she has this fantasy - maybe the sex has become boring to her, she doesn't want to say so, or, she can't 'define' it - fact is she hurted you, now she knows your weak spot and sooner or later she will make her fantasy happen - obviously you will not be watching (she would have lost total respect for you if you would have gone through with her fantasy - just ask her how she would feel if it were you in front of her with two women….), but she will confess it, in a fight, to hurt you more, or you will find out yourself, by 'accident'….
If she has 'fantasies' like this (to whatever extent), something is wrong - might be you, might be her, or the two of you. From now on it is downhill: (lack of) trust will become an issue, she will avoid direct questions etc. The fix? Run! You deserve better.

Time to dump her. Although a lot of women fantasize about such things not all of them do. Knowing what you know now its time to raise your standards another notch or two. Besides its a much easier solution than trying to work it out and in the long run you'll be glad you did.

I agree totally with hottieblonde. The thing is, you don't seem to realise how good you have it. I understand, it is painful and goes against our nature as men to want women we are fucking to be fucked by other men. Its obvious a lot of trust has already being built and she's adventurous. The more fantasies you make real for her, the more powerful your sexual relationship will become. If she wants you to watch her being fucked by two men, make sure of a number of things. For a start, get something out of it in return, have one of your fantasies brought to life in return. They men she decides to be fucked by, make sure these are guys you know but don't see too often. The last thing you want is to contract an STD or let dirtbags into your home. Perhaps, the act could take place outside of your homes. Basically, keep everything as safe and anonymous as possible. The less people knowing about it, the better.

You'll be amazed how sexual women are and the amount of fantasies they have held secret within their skulls. I recommend only experimenting with hypnosis when the relationship has grown further. Don't be so freaked out about it and enjoy the rollercoaster ride!!

I just think you are insecure about it. I would never judge anyone's fantasy. Who are you to say what's sick and what's not?

Jealousy is actually a strong feeling wich you can transform into something else. I get turned on by seeing/hearing others have sex. Infact, a girl I was attracted too fucked my brother in the room beside me. At first I got a little jealous, then I began tapping the feeling and relaxing my whole body, then I got turned on..and so on…extremely turned on…and them my breathing and heart began to accelerate fast…And after a little while I had my first mental orgasm that was pulsating throught my whole body and it lasted forever… I tried too stop after a while cause it was so intense. but it just kept going. I managed to stop it after a while somehow..and I'm a man. I thought only women could have all this fancy long orgasm stuff:p

So learn to embrace your feelings it may come something good out of it!

Tell her with straight face that you will be very excited to watch "your little bratty slut" getting fucked by two guys and that you also will jerk off and get a blowjob by another woman while watching from the side and your girlfriend moaning will make you even more excited and after that you will want her even more.Seeing the natural woman in your girlfriend expressing her sexuality in a way that is dictated by her fantasy is a very beautiful thing because it's real and natural and it turns you so on that you can't wait seeing it happen.You and the other guys also might talk dirty to her and after the fuck you can caress her and sweettalk to her. watch her reaction and calibrate accordingly.talk with her about her sexuality, fantasies etc. if nothing else you can tell her at the end that you are "just joking"

David,

I'm sure you noticed this man's liberal use of "i" to refer to himself. I wonder whether he always does this or whether he's so freaked out by this revelation that he's temporarily wallowing in low self-esteem. (I suspect he always does it.)

I think his woman's fantasy is a common one. And, of course, there are several possible reasons why she shared this fantasy with him.

First, she almost certainly is testing him - consciously or unconsciously - to see how secure he is in his sexuality and their relationship.

Second, maybe she does want to "hurt" him. There is not enough information in the email to determine if this might in fact be the case, but I would advise him to weigh this possibility carefully. It just might be possible that he did not choose wisely after all.

Third, maybe she thought that this guy was exceptional and she feels secure enough with him to share her deepest fantasies. She must know that only an exceptional man would ever consider actually going through with this; maybe she thinks (thought) that he was the one?

Fourth, she wants to show him how naughty and sl.tty she can be for him and she would really get off on the fact that he's watching her be a total sl.t. IOW, she wants to perform for him, and his going through with it would really open her up to him.

It is pretty apparent from the email that the guy is on the verge of a breakdown. If his woman has noticed the extent to which he's freaking out about this, then his concerns may be a moot point. She may lose respect for him and the relationship could effectively be over already (except for the shouting… lol!)

That old advice about being careful what you wish for because you might get it certainly applies here. His woman has opened a Pandora's box and he can't handle what's come out of it. And, there's no putting anything back into it. It seems to me that he's put himself into a lose-lose situation. If he sweeps this under the rug, his woman may (will?) lose respect for him. If he goes through with it under his present frame of mind, then he will forever be haunted by the "fact" that his woman "betrayed" him in this way, and the relationship will almost certainly end sooner rather than later. The third option, that he embrace his woman's fantasy and actively participate in it, seems highly unlikely.

The guy needs to have a frank conversation with his woman to find out what she really wants. He also needs to express his concerns and gauge her response. He's crossed a Rubicon and his relationship will never be the same.

Personally I have fantasized about watching my wife being taken by two other guys, so I don't think her fantasy is unrealistic. I would find viewing her handling two guys tremendously arousing and would love to be able to provide her with a final, ultimate pleasure session after she is satiated by the others. I could think of no finer way to end a night of love making.
Lee

Some of the preceding comments are pretty good. But first off, there's no such word as "hurted." She hurt you. Okay?

Actually, she didn't even hurt you, since it's all in your head and you are responsible for your own thinking. You're hurting yourself. Let go of the negative, jealous kind of thinking and instead open up to the idea of sharing. Sex is a beautiful thing and if you can open up to sharing her fantasy with her then you can take this to the next level. Here's a test: If your thinking makes you feel closed and restricted, and focused on objects (eg., thinking of your girlfriend as a possession) then you are engaged in negative thought and you need to let that go.

The truth is, even if you are married, either one of you may leave at any time and if you can recognize that fact, and the corrollary which is that people only stay because they want to, then you begin to see her continued presence as an expression of love and you will see yourself as blessed.

The other thing is, if you indulge her fantasy, then she'll be more open to indulging yours, whatever that may be. You wanna fuck two girls in front of her? You wanna fuck two girls together with her? Whatever your fantasy is, don't expect her to indulge it if you can't open up to indulge hers.

Finally, if you'd like me to be one of the guys that fucks your wife in front of you, let me know. Okay, that was a joke. But not really.

The trouble with all of this is that it sounds easily like it could go either way.

Okay, here’s my advice. I say there’s no right or wrong answer here, except by how you feel. You say you satisfy her sexually. You say it would bother you to go through with this. I didn’t see anywhere in your email where she said she expects you to actually do this, just that it is a fantasy. So you might not want to do it…

On the other hand…..A guy who shows no jealousy towards other guys around his girlfriend drives her up the wall-so you just might succeed in driving her even more wilder! This sounds like she is launching a major S**T test-the real test is not in whether or not you say yes or no but how you react to the whole thing…….

There is a saying: “a wise husband (or in this case boyfriend) knows to possess his woman while allowing her her freedom.” So if you do it, don’t under any circumstances show the slightest bit of jealousy. Just enjoy it and use it to your advantage! She’s attractive to other men. So as long as she ends up doing it with you (and loving it) go for it! Just make damn sure she reciprocates by allowing you to do it with two women while SHE watches. And make sure she only watches, not participates. That is key (otherwise it could ruin the relationship). And make sure YOU pick the women.

Bottom line here, just say “yeah baby, sure, we can do that.” Then, outline the above conditions to her, stick by them and watch what happens. She might not even go through with it. And if she does, take it from there. Just remember the key is at all times to not show jealousy. Hope this helps.

First of all, I'm not sure if you've spent much time reading David's newsletters, but you should definitely start to use an uppercase I when referring to yourself. That letter represents you in what you write, and the time taken to shift your pinky finger over a few centimeters is worth it, to show that you value how you represent yourself, at all times, in all mediums.
Next, as to your actual post: I'm going to assume that what you say about the relationship is true. That she's pretty crazy about you, and that you give her multiple mind-blowing orgasms, using a variety of techniques. Essentially, that your sexual relationship is healthy. Now, some of your last words were to the effect that a 'real man' wouldn't want to see his girl get fucked by someone else. This one, I'm not sure I can follow — 'real man' is a pretty broad definition. If you mean, "A man that feels possessive over his woman", then I can understand it. But, well, I believe the definition should run closer to, "A man that has the knowledge, personal strength, and passionate desire to bring his girl to the absolute high of pleasure, and to explore the limits of her sexuality as an end unto itself". Think about that for a second - Do you fuck her because you want her to experience incredible pleasure? Or do you do it because she's yours, and that's just what guys do with their girls?
You ask why it is that she said what she did, and the answer is very simple: Because she trusts you. She wasn't baiting you, she wasn't trying to play head games or get under your skin. To say that to your face, whilst honestly meaning it, took a lot of courage. She was aware of the possible effect it could have had on the relationship, and didn't do it lightly. To be honest, your reaction showcases at least one place where you don't have the level of self-esteem that you could (and should). So now, you're left at a cross-roads: On the one hand, she has exposed some of her deepest desires to you, trusting in your personal strength and understanding of her sexuality (which you have proven time and again, I assume, or else she wouldn't have asked). On the other, you've clearly gone a bit further in the rabbit-hole than you were ready for, forcing yourself to face this situation before you were ready. Regardless, remember this: You've shown her a world that she had heard about, but never experienced. When you did so, you convinced her that your dedication to her sexual needs was second to none, and now, when she allows herself to become vulnerable enough to tell you this deep desire, you've taken away the security and strength that you had promised her (through your actions) that you possessed. If you can't change your understanding, if you can't draw pleasure from watching her fulfill a fantasy, then that's the way it is — but don't hold it against her or hate her for it. You're the one that brought her to this point.

Dear Concerned About Fantasies,

Let me begin with something you said in your first paragraph. “…I’m pretty sure that she feels fulfilled because I’ve given her all kinds of strong orgasms…”

This tells me that you may be basing your assumption that she is fulfilled because you can make her have an orgasm? Now, because I don’t know her at all, you may be 100% correct and she is in fact quite fulfilled. But this is an opportunity for me to point out that you may want to open the lines of communication with her just a bit wider to make sure she is in fact enjoying all aspects of your sex life.

After reading your email a few times I extract the following:

-you are somewhat sensitive and can be prone to anger (as you stated yourself)
-she is concerned when she feels she has hurt your feelings, upset you or mad you angry

This is important to point out to you because she may not be totally satisfied with the sex but does not want to hurt you. The good thing is that you “are” sensitive and that means you want to please her.

You asked her about her fantasy, but yet, in the context that it was understood you would make her fantasy come true if you could? That’s a dangerous game to play unless you are willing to open your mind when you hear the other persons answer. Generally fantasies include things we think we could never do, and they often contain slightly deviant behaviors that we’d like to try for the sheer sexual excitement it would bring. Even you must have a fantasy of your own, that you haven’t done, that is exciting, different and in a strange way it excites you sexually to think about it? If you don’t you should, it’s good for the imagination and there is nothing wrong with fantasizing, and most times, nothing wrong with bringing a fantasy to life (as long as nobody gets hurt i.e. knife throwing in bed, fire, acrobatics off the Golden Gate Bridge naked) Keep it safe is what I’m saying.

When your girlfriend spoke of her fantasy of being with two men at the same time, while you watch, keep in mind a few things. She may not be wanting anal sex, she may really want two wonderful men all over her, touching her, kissing her, having sex with her, and generally making her feel like queen for the day (or night). If she can have multiple orgasms, we often need more than one man as one man, after ejaculation may be so tired, the other can now continue on for her 2nd or 3rd orgasm. Then again she may want double penetration…whatever it is, her fantasy about two men with you watching isn’t necessarily to hurt you, she may be fantasizing about having you see how desirable she is? She may want you to see other men so attracted to her that two of them are having sex with her, competing for her attention, kissing her, touching her.

This may stem from a subconscious concern she has that you don’t find her desirable? She may be the one with a slight self esteem issue because for some reason you may not be communicating clearly that you find her attractive. Just making her orgasm, whether it’s a deep screaming one, or a regular run of the mill one, may make her feel good physically, but you need to feed the emotional side of her also. [and if you didn’t already know, we are very emotional creatures, and we love sex]

Although I have not been in bed with two men, I have been in bed with a man and another woman. In fact, a girlfriend of mine and her boyfriend. I knew he was attracted to me, and she knew he fantasized about me. They got a Hotel room one evening. She called me to come and just hang out for a while, and we accidentally ended up all in the same bed. Because we were girlfriends, I was careful at first, not to touch him without some kind of sign from her that it would be ok. We decided to kiss as he laid on his back, we reached over him, we thought this would give him a thrill and we’d probably start laughing since we hadn’t ever kissed someone of the same sex before. Much to our surprise, we enjoyed it, we could see he did too, and it basically elevated the sexual excitement of the evening. Of course he attended to both of us and she watched as he made love to me, she kissed him during that time, and I did the same when he was with her.

At no time was she upset to see him with me as she and I would be kissing at times while he was with me. This was new for all of us and we got together several more times after that to make sure we liked it.

I’m telling you that because we could have easily switched places and had her with another man, or him with a woman we don’t know and it didn’t mean she was mad at him, or him at her, it added an exciting element to the otherwise normal sex life. So there is a chance your girlfriend is having a true fantasy about being with two men in front of you thinking this would excite you and her sexually.

A fantasy is usually just that, a fantasy. A wild exciting sexual encounter you wouldn’t ordinarily have on a Wednesday night after work. She was just expressing her thoughts, her desire to inject a bit of spice into your sex life which doesn’t mean she isn’t enjoying it already. What I would suggest is that you pay close attention to her next time, is she really satisfied or is she trying to make you think she is satisfied because she doesn’t want to hurt you?

Rachel

No, no, no. You asked for her fantasies — she trusted you enough to tell you. It's possible (even likely) that in her mind, two things are happening here:

a) She would very much like to be fucked by two guys. And why not? Wouldn't you love to have sex with two women? Don't hold that against her… after all, you asked for her fantasies, and she felt secure enough to tell you that, without feeling like she was being judged (which you went and did — bad move).

b) She may have fantasized about you having sex with another woman or women, and had that turn her on very much, then simply imagined that if such a thing turned her on so much, then it would turn you on, too. I actually had this same experience with a girlfriend: she told me she would be very excited to watch me fuck another woman — she'd fantasized about it. She asked me if I'd like to watch her fuck another guy, and seemed genuinely surprised when I said it wasn't a fantasy of mine.

Men are evolutionarily more jealous and protective, I believe — it's hardwired in us. So don't kick yourself too hard for it. But realize that in this case, you don't have to be jealous. Your woman wants to please you, not hurt you, most likely. The fact that she'd love to be taken by two men is just an expression of a healthy and natural sex drive (in fact, a woman having sex with multiple partners increases the motility of men's sperm, and creates more competition, so that may also be to some extent hardwired into her!).

You may not be ready to actually see her "in action" with two other men. The men I know who have done this have a profound and selfless love for their partners that not everyone can easily acheive. However, you've dug yourself a deep hole, here. You asked for her fantasies without being ready to accept them. If you want to salvage the situation, here's what I'd say you have to do:

1) Get over the jealousy bit. Revel in the fact that you're with a rapaciously sexual woman. If you don't square with the fact that she's probably more savagely horny than you ever imagined, you're pretty much fucked. You ABSOLUTELY MUST stay cool, and if you come off as even a little bit of the hurt baby that you do in the letter, forget it — you're toast.

2) DO NOT try to shut down her fantasy, or convice her that it's bad or wrong or any stupid shit like that. I know you want to. Don't even try. Instead, work with it. Keep it in play, as it were. Explore other fantasies as well. Others have suggested hypnosis, which is a good idea. If she pushes to make it real, I might say something like, "You're not ready for that… yet." Of course it's really YOU that's not ready… but she'll be very likely to do just about any damned thing you suggest if she thinks it will get her closer to "ready" — and of course you should make all those dirty nasty things very pleasurable for her. Use a dildo and DP her while narrating a fantasy where she's fucking two strangers, while you watch. You can be one of the strangers; it doesn't matter… Just don't try to shut her down, by any means. Use this to rev her up, instead!

3) Someday, when you're ready, when you've really accepted her deep sexual nature, maybe a special occasion like her birthday… make it happen for her (if you've been cultivating her sexuality properly, you'll have done all kinds of other stuff that was plenty of fun for you already). Find a couple of good guys and have them fuck the daylights out of her, while you watch. Gaze deep into her eyes and contact that primal extasy that she's feeling. Talk to her the whole time. If you do this with manly strength and love, and are in charge the whole time, I guarantee she will not lose any respect for you. Instead, she will worship you. By, in essence, giving her away, you actually prove how much she is truly YOURS.
I agree with SinisterUrge on the issues of safety and anonymity, but NOT on the bartering. Never make sexual acts into a trade of "I'll do this for you if you do this for me." Lead, and give generously, and she will return in kind without being held to a "deal".

If I were in your shoes I would turn the tables in your favor.I would talk to her about her doing to girls with strap on instead of 2 guys.Flex your power instead of showing your weak side,If you're going to talk to a woman about fantasies you need to be open about it,just like you would exspect het to be with you.It's a fantasy lighten
up.I fantisize about getting tag teamed by Chelsea,and Hillary Clinton but that doesn't mean it will happen.
You need ot be the one with the power the one in control.Stop letting your womanly feeling get the best of you and be a the man and while you're pooring the cock to her
give her somthing new to fantisise about be in control she's got you by the balls,as long as she feels the tention in you shes the one in control never let a woman take control they can get that from the gay guy at work.Take control be the man with out being a dick about it.Chick like to be controled worse case she'll bail and you;ll hook up with another gal but at least you woun't watch her bang 2 dudes

Ok nice case study.

Lets break it down.

You give your sweet lady beautiful sexual experiences, you stimulate her physically and emotionally and you're pretty sure she feels fulfilled.

And sharing each others most intimate fantasies, albeit solely verbally, is part of that deep emotional connection. The both of you sharing those fantasies and the fact that she opened up that way is a proof of your deep level of mutual trust.

Why don't you see her sharing this fantasy with you as an accomplishment? Do you realise you succeeded - thanks to your wonderful sexual experiences- at openening her up in a sexual, emotional and even spiritual way? You woke up the natural woman in her. She wasn't afraid to share her most "dark" side with you! Isn't that wonderful?

If both of you did not have that level of trust, she wouldn't have shared that. Albeit just not to get labeled as a slut.

And now comes "the problem" (beware the quotation marks): your response to her fantasy. You had a negative emotional reaction to it (anger, jealousy or whatever negative emotion).

And that's why she replied that it was only a joke. She saw you were hurt and tried to compensate (calibrate) it. She didn't want to hurt you more.

Quote:
"i just can't figure out the reason of why she would love to do it in front of me, what kind of sick thing is that? Would she love to watch me get jealous, would she love to watch how i get when i watch her being taken by two guys? Would she love to hurt me that way? because i've heard that the whole fact of women cheating is more like a fantasy they all have, that they find pleasure in the act of making fun of their partner and not in the act of sex itself and that they would love to do it in front of their man."

Ok. It's obvious your reasoning arises from your negative emotional state. As you know thoughts influence emotions and the other way around.

Where did that negative emotional reaction and those negative thoughts come from? Why do you think she is trying to make you jealous and/ or to hurt you?

Is it because of your own personal insecurities? Or is it because your relationship isn't really that solid and she is really "testing" you? Or is it both.For you to find out…

How and when to find out?

Wait untill your negative emotions have faded away and ask her straight on, without blaming her, without judging her, why she would like you to watch her while being roasted on the spit.

If necessary tell her how you felt without shame. The fact you felt/feel bad is ok. Don't make the mistake by being ashamed and/or trying to hide how you felt. Just tell her, share your emotions with her, just as you share fantasies, stories and wonderful experiences. In a human and adult way…

Good relationships are not only built on sharing good experiences, but also on sharing (preferably less often) negative experiences without blaming, but with understanding.

And to finish, you're reaction is a good indication of your attitude towards that fantasy. Tell her you appreciate it a lot she shared it with you, but that you are not appealed by that fantasy.

"Darling, thanks for sharing that fantasy, but no thanks!" Period!!! No discussion. No justification. No but. Just NO. And then make love to her as you never did before.

And a bonus because of your very interesting question.

You don't need to make her fantasy real "real". You can make it real verbally. Bring her in trance before or during the sweet hot monkey love and whisper in her ear while making love to her: "Oh baby… What if I were sitting over there… And watching you… While you feel (subliminal command) that attractive man going deep (thrust deep while pronouncing the word deep) inside of you… And making love to you… Just the way you like it… Nice and deep… Isn't it, baby… And that other man… Filling you with… That hard… And burning… Desire… (slide gently a finger in her ass while pronouncing "hard… And burning… Desire…" in the rythm of your words). And I'm sure you could complete the rest of the fantasy with your rich and dirty imagination. (wink).

So during your conversation with her, listen very well to the information she gives you and use that information "against her", to make it more real, while you realise her fantasy verbally…

Kisses and hugs.

Fantasies are just that: fantasies. You asked your woman a frank question, she confided in you and gave you a frank answer. Perhaps you were not ready for the truth. A question like that deserves an honest, from the heart answer. She gave that to you and you are now hurt. I assume that having sex with two men has been a fantasy of hers for quite a while, perhaps since the days she physiologically became sexual. I think it was stated above that your inclusion in the scenario was a loving gesture. She wanted to share, and you shot her down. I am quite sure that you, yourself, had fantasies prior to meeting this woman, were you honest with her, as well? I think that if you are not ready to hear everything, than you are not ready to ask the question. It should not be you who drops her because her fantasy is uncomfortable for you; it is she who should dump you for not being there to support her as a true lover should.

-Wing

I'm polyamorous and this is a common topic in discussions.

I know that some have said that since you were discussing fantasies that it's ok, and it is but those that suggest you make it happen are not checking the fact that most men, regardless of what some of them might think, are not going to be able to mentally handle watching 2 guys fuck their woman. Period. Call it sperm competition, or simple jealousy, either way very few guys want it to happen in the least. Even most who think they are cool with such a thing soon discover once in the situation that they are less than cool with the idea. If you have any misgivings, go with them because they will be intensified a million fold in said situation. I speak from experience and let's just leave it at that.

Look at it this way, there are swingers clubs where people are supposed to be free from jealousy and in a "like minded environment" but they aren't remotely free of any jealousy, they simply repress it due to peer pressure. Seriously they are laughable in how many will join a club, have an experience, decide it absolutely isn't for them, leave the club and then promptly breakup. If they can't pull it off without jealousy, you should expect it in droves.

And don't let the people who say "when you grow up sexually you'll be able to handle this" make you feel as though you are a lesser being for not wanting what she wants. That is, IMNSHO, complete bullshit. The problem in many of our circles is that we're encouraged to have an open mind but with a fully open mind we are limited in the types of opinions we can form since disliking something implies that we have "less" of an open mind, at least to those who think we HAVE to have an open mind about every little thing. Let me tell you that it is perfectly fine for you to not want what she wants and for you to say "no" to that particular fantasy if you think you would dislike such a thing.

Someone mentioned using hypnosis to "make it real" for her which might be fine but at the same time it might be like poisoning the well and only lead her to want it to be real even more thereby undermining everything you've worked for. You need to consider this.

Alright, to be honest, there are a couple of different, interrelated issues here. I'll address them one at a time, in no particular order.

First off, it seems that you have some self-esteem issues. I could be wrong, though. As yourself these questions, and if you answer yes to them, then you need some self-esteem. Do you find yourself getting jealous when your girlfriend hangs out with male friends of hers? Do you get angry or jealous if you notice another guy checking her out in public? Do you constantly worry that she's cheating on you? If this is the case, then there's nothing that I can do other than to suggest you pick up a book on self-esteem and repeat "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me!" 10,000 times. Sorry, but watching re-runs of SNL and listening to Al Franken do it doesn't count.

Next, you realize that she might just be joking with you like she says she is. Women often times joke about things like that to test men's reactions. This may be a subconscious thing. I can tell you for certain though, that you failed that test. What you should have done, if you're against the idea (which you obviously are), is to be firm and put your foot down. You needed to be the man in the relationship and say "That's not going to happen. That's all there is to it.". Either that, or you needed to be enthusiastically for it. There are three ways to face a test like that. With complete confidence in yourself and complete trust and faith in your relationship, with complete confidence in yourself and a firm announcement of your decision as the man in the relationship, or like a wuss. You picked the third. I hate to tell you, but your lady lost some respect for you on that one.

You also need to address the possibility that she does have that fantasy. As I'm certain that David will confirm, a fantasy is just that, a fantasy. It doesn't have to be realistic or rational. You don't even have to want it to really happen. I have a fantasy of having a foursome with my girl, Angelina Jolie, and Brad Pitt. This doesn't mean that it will, or that I want it to happen.

There is, however, only one course of action for you. You need to be completely forward and honest with your girlfriend. You need to talk to her, tell her that seeing her with other men isn't something you're interested in, and that if she insists, the relationship will be over. Do NOT however, appear needy or insecure when you do this. Being honest, forward, and secure in yourself while telling her that it's not going to happen will gain you back the respect that you lost by handling the situation poorly. Being insecure, needy, and shaky while you do this will lose you even more respect.

The bottom line is that you're a man, and you need to act like one.

David & all,

There are two issues here, one is him, the other is her.

1. Him: It seems he is still not very confident and not having a 100% understanding of your material and of female sexuality. Question: What if he first saw this woman fucking two guys, without having fucked her prior to this? Won't any guy on this planet feel a terrible desire to make love with that woman? I can assure you yes!!!! It is designed in the primarily male sexuality. So we, as men, have to go past our social conditionning too, and do what our ancestors did, and assume what are we designed as real men!

2. Her: Any woman has such fantesy and behavioural tendencies, so this doesn't mean all male species has to be insecure. A woman who admits it and reveals is a very special one, which has to be kept, pleased, given wonderful love and charmed, whatever it should happen in the future or not. She wants to bring this to him, as a sign of trust, respect and he has to be proud of it. I instead would have organized this special event for her, with two of my mates, and this won't change anything in their relationship, but more, it should have it reinforced.

Conclusion: Guys, first you have to fully understand the meaning of David's worlds and only then apply the techniques he preaches. Doing "Mechanical" love mastery runs to such weak and hilarious examples of a male approach.

There are a lot of excellent and insightful comments above; the guy in question would do well to read all of these, IMHO.

Now, on to *my* advice. My first impression from reading the email is that this is a guy whose emotions are not completely under his control. He uses the lowercase "i" as a pronoun which seems to indicate lower self-esteem (as others have noted). Many of his sentences are run-on sentences, and there are quite a few misspellings. He also mentions not having sexual hangups or judging people, yet he has done *exactly* both of these. Based on all of this, I would infer that although this guy understands "orgasm techniques," he is missing out on some of the principal benefits of hypnosis, which are self-improvement, and constructing a stable emotional life for yourself, BEFORE adding women into the picture.

From what he has described, there are two possible explanations, and he will have to look at his relationship in general to determine which is his situation:

1) The most probable scenario (since the guy has low self-esteem) is that his woman also has low self-esteem, and wants to use a threesome with other men to make him jealous. One way to test for this is to ask if she would have problems with him having sex with other women while she watches. If she's fine with that, and he eventually becomes OK with her having a threesome with other men as well, then they can join the swinging community. If he isn't OK with this, then he should probably move on, since his negative reaction to her fantasy will NOT be good for their sexual relationship.

In the future, he can fix this issue by selecting women who have higher self-esteem, and who are Daddy's girls. He can actively help matters by leading more, treating women with respect, demanding respect, and getting rid of women who don't meet the criteria.

2) It is also possible that her fantasy is not based on low self-esteem, but rather is completely genuine. If she has no objection to watching him have sex with two other women, then this is the more likely explanation. In that case, he will just have to be more receptive to possible answers, before he ask questions in the future. Again, his negative reaction is not good for the sexual relationship, but if he can work through his issues, and become comfortable with fulfilling her fantasy, then it might add the spark back to the relationship.

There are a couple of other thoughts he might try out, especially if he wasn't her first lover:

Has she had sex with another guy (before the relationship started)?

Has she had sex with a second, different guy (before the relationship started)?

If she had sex with these same guys in a threesome (before the relationship), would you think any less of a relationship with her now?

If she has sex with two different guys (in the future), would that make the current relationship any less enjoyable, *right now*?

Hopefully, if the relationship is healthy in all other respects, these questions will enable the guy to move beyond his hangups by recognizing the transient and arbitrary nature of most relationships, as well as why a threesome with other men would pose no threat to him.

David Amigo,

"DONT ASK A QUESTION IF YOU ALREADY DONT KNOW THE ANSWER"
- Johnny Cochran - Famous Defenese Attorney (RIP)

"YOU CAN`T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
- Col. Jessup (Jack Nicholson) to Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) A Few Good Men

Either one of the aforementioned quotes applies to you in this case Dave. You just can not ask your girlfriend deep intimate questions like that and then be hurt by her comments, whatever they are, she is refreshing and sincere in her answer and you should be happy to have that healthy attitude from her in your relationship as opposed as a repressed and timid lady putting a major block in the growth of your healthy sex life.

Now, In reading your story, there are 2 issue conflicts as you relate them that as an amigo I just have to confront…first of all, you dont say that SHE has told you youve given her mind blowing orgasms …… as far as YOUR concerned…… there is no problem there.

You have to deal with the fact Dave that maybe your just a stud in your own mind and that your lady maybe wants you to watch her with 2 guys so YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING. Could be amigo, you have to be open to this.

Second……if in fact you are giving this lady mind blowing sexual pleasure……….NO WAY are you going to feel insecure, hurt or out of your mind from worry from the fact that she just merely mentioned a FANTASY. With all the lousy lays out there, no way she is crazy enough to let go of a truly FANTASTIC LOVER.

Therefore Im going to conlcude from these 2 basic contradictions that YOU are the issue here and not her, and since I dont have any detail on her feelings, I can only deal with the issue from your side of the story.

Lets start with issue 1….you need to COMUNICATE in more detail with your lady…like nearly all women, they get sexualy turned on by the "thought process" and sorroundings in the sexual setting, her visual sense is not a sensual key as much as her sense of smell and thought when it comes to arousal, women love to "hear" what your going to do to them way before you actualy do it….so learn to communicate with her in what is obviously a very sharp sense for her…….HER EROTIC MIND…..encourage her to keep opening up her fantasy world to you as opposed to being horrified, or as a result, you make her inhibited and afraid to say things to you in intimate settings.

Try "making love" to her way before you all get together by leaving sexy notes, sending her hot text messages, call her at the office and tell her exactly how your going to make love to her that night when she gets home, send her flowers, buy her sexy lengerie with hot notes as to how she will look in it…….amplify the experience by getting creative yourself…….write her a couple of chapters of HOT EROTIC stories, describing both of your very obvious physical traits and invent a new erotic name for each of you, make the scene in a island resort, an enchanted castle, whatever scene that will stoke passion, get explicit, get hot, just be creative and have fun with it Dave, I guarantee you that she will be anxiously looking forward to your next chapter to se "whats gonna happen to her next"……….and then obviously dont just write about………make her fantasy that YOU invented real…….dress up like the character you write about, buy her a wig to fit that color hair, get her that trampy outfit her character wears, take her to that place you write about…..DO the very things you write about, use that name you invented and call her by that name……both of you get into the experience.

The thing here Dave is that YOU get into the fantasy world WITH her, and then she wont be asking that you watch her……shell be asking that YOU DO IT.

Ok lets go to Issue 2……….I believe that by the way your lady described her fantasy to you Dave, that she probaly is telling you SHE WANTS TO BE DOMINATED AND IS SEEKING YOUR APPROVAL BY HAVING YOU "WATCH HER"….so complete her wish……..her subconscious wish….DOMINATE HER……Dave…take your "new invented lady" to a hotel…..place several lit candles all over the room, turn off the lights,…. light up erotic incense, blind fold her….out on some new age music….giver a hot oil body massage…dominate her by tying her up on the bed and bang her where ever she wants as hard as she wants…….and……having hidden this new toy so she hasn seen it yet…….USE A DILDO……..a 20 inch banger …………and as you are penetrating her vaginaly……gently but firmly penetrate her with the DILDO analy…….talk dirty to her as you do it..tell her 2 big studs are banging her wildly……while she is still blindfolded change positions……….have her felate you while you penetrate her with vaginaly with the DILDO (use a condom on the Dildo and change them after each use to avoid infections amigo)……….keep talking dirty to her…..and just keep doing various position changes all night long, take polaroid pictures of her in these positions with the DILDO in her… making sure to hit theG spot as well as the clitoris…….get her to ejaculate over and over again till the sheets are sopping wet…..do all that you can imagine to make her truly live those wild orgasms you talk about, do this until she literaly is begging you to stop……and then decide if you want to keep dominating her or give her a break………but by all means DOMINATE HER.

When you believe shes had enough…gently pull her to you and hold her, kiss her lovingly, reassure her with tender words, look at the picitures together and relive the moments……let her KNOW whos is in control……Im sure that you will get some very nice and unexpected love back from her and IF she truly THOUGHT about a twosome with some guys…I dont believe she will truly want to go through with it in real life because YOU DAVE have basicaly fulfilled her fantasy of being dominated…………all with in the safe confines of your personal and intimate relationship………..and using your vibrant imagination keep writting new love scenes for you both to play out, encourage her to author some scenes, the possibilities are endless.

Dave truth be told it takes an EXTREMELY unique couple to share their loving mate with other people as she describes, if you dont love her and she is just a loving sex partner, go ahead, let her do her thing and you ask for her to fulfill your own fantasy in real life, however if both of you are truly in emotional love and hope to stay that way, time and again acting out these fantasies with other people in your bed usualy kills the romantic and loyal feelings that are healtthy in any relationship.

Make sure you use the techniques found in the newsletters and make sure you are with no DOUBT truly pleasing your lady physicaly, emotionaly and spiritualy, as you do that, your own personal satisfaction, self esteem and confidence as a lover will know no bounds and a true loving relationship will bind both of you, with your EROTIC SECRETS, for as long as you both wish to stay in the relationship. Get started amigo, start writing your NEW WILD EROTIC life with your special lady.

I think you should calm down and look at this rationally. Everybody, including you, has their dark impulses and sexual fantasies that may seem perverse to others. The fact that she shared that fantasy with you shows that she has an immense amount of trust in and comfort with you. In an odd way, it was a high compliment for her to share something like that with you. Keep that in mind.

Also, while there are two guys present, from what I gather the fantasy focuses on you watching her. She didn't say "my fantasy is to fuck two guys," she said her fantasy was for you to watch her fuck two guys. So, while you might not appreciate your role in the fantasy, it does focus on you. As for what she's getting out of you watching her do that, I can't really say, but don't jump to conclusions and think she is fantasizing about mocking you. I highly doubt that ever entered her mind.

You automatically jumped to that conclusion because you secretly fear losing her, fear being betrayed by her. You are locked into defensive thinking because deep down you expect people to disrespect you. In other words, you, my friend, have a confidence problem.

She's not out to get you, she doesn't want to leave or betray or cheat on you. She has a perverse fantasy, no more, no less. You have probably set yourself back with her by being judgmental, but you can recover in time.

Never speak of it again, and if she brings it up tell her that you overreacted and once you thought about it you understood it wasn't about hurting you.

My view David, is that your writer has some insecurities as outlined by previous posters. His lady trusted him enough to share her fantasy with him and he has reacted in a very negative way. He immediately felt that she would subsequently reject him in favor of whoever these two lovers maybe. I think he needs to withdraw from this relationship and limit himself to women who will feel he's superior to them…until such time as he can get his own act together. In the meantime, he can send me her name and phone number and I'll be happy to help her live out her fantasies.

Several things are going on here.

First, it's important that you think of her act of sharing this fantasy with you as a TEST. Women do this a lot, and there are good reasons to believe they are more or less hard-wired to do so. For the purposes of this discussion, it doesn't really matter much whether she is testing you deliberately or more unconsciously. Either way this is a test of whether you are strong enough to deal with her fantasy and thus be the MAN she desires to lead her in to deeper explorations of her true self and her purest passions and at the same time protect her from harm. If she witnesses that sharing this fantasy with you upsets you, she has exposed a weakness, deliberately or not, that suggests on a deep level that you are not strong enough to deal with her as the woman she is in any given moment. Worse, it betrays that you are not strong enough to protect her in real physical emergency. If you cannot deal with her disclosure of a mere fantasy without falling apart in pain and shame, how can you protect her from real dangers, real threats to her well-being and survival? Note that whether you can really protect her in face of physical danger or not, the deepest parts of her brain are telling her you are weak and undependable. This will be a big turnoff for her. There has been a lot written about this concept by other authorities, so I don't want to spend a lot of time dealing with it here. Suffice to say, that passing this TEST means not being knocked off balance, distressed, or otherwise losing your cool by this disclosure, which, by the way, you quite clearly have. And there is no doubt whatsoever that she has picked up on your distress, even if you thought you were hiding it.

Second, it's important for you to realize that ALL tests that women throw your way are magnificient opportunities for you. In this instance, she has given you a great deal of information about how to command her sexual world and push her beyond any levels of pleasure she has ever experienced before. For goodness sake, man, she told you about ONE of her more "forbidden" fantasies! What a gift! You have a number of options for using this to her advantage and yours. The first one that comes to mind is to give her her fantasy with "dirty sexy talk." David has great products for this. Check out his store for "The Art of Sexy Dirty Talk" and "Give Women Hot Phone Sex" for more information about giving women deep and powerful orgasms through words alone. You can talk her through this fantasy using vivid sensory language to describe what it would look like, smell like, taste like, sound like, and feel like while two guys are f_cking her at the same time while you watch. Intersperse sensory descriptions of the experience with "bubble" words such as "ecstasy," "intensity," "erotic," "naughty," etc. that are so vague she can stack her own preferred emotional experiences onto the sensations that you evoke through the use of the sensory words. And of course, all the while use the dirty talk that David teaches and demonstrates so eloquently. You can get this girl cumming and going with mere words so intensely that she will literally lose consciousness of her identity for a while. The key concept here is that YOU are LEADING HER through this experience, controlling its intensity, teasing her with it, and allowing her orgasms at your discretion through the language you use.

You can combine this guided fantasy, with instructions to her as to how to touch herself and masturbate during the experience. Another option is to use the various techniques that David has described in his Masterful Lover Manual to touch her in various places yourself, and imagine that your finger or fingers are extra c_cks entering her various orifices. Of course, it should be clear to you now that you can also purchase a couple of dildos and use those as substitute c_cks during these guided fantasies in combination with you own natural equipment to give her the double (or triple) penetration experiences she fantasizes about. Consider just the two-way combinations. You have your own equipment and a dildo. That's two c_cks for her fantasy and three different places to put them. That's six distinctly different combinations of double penetration using just you, a finger or dildo, and her fantasy that you are leading her in. And hey, guess what my friend? You're watching it happen to her, so she is getting the exhibitionist kick that is central to this fantasy! You could even expand the exhibitionist piece of the fantasy if she is really getting off on it, by having her imagine that this is happening to her in a public place. What a naughty exhibitionist slut she is . . . .

I'll digress here for a moment to emphasize that a fantasy is just a fantasy, so it does not follow that she would necessarily get off on the real experience of having sex with two guys while you watch, even if she were to try it. The great thing about fantasies is that we get to simulate an experience without having to deal with any of the potentially unpleasant real world consequences. The key here is to use the information she gave you about her fantasy, to help her expand her sexual responsiveness and pleasure while feeling completely safe and uninhibited at the same time. If you do that for her, you become her Sexual God. I repeat. If you do that for her, you become her Sexual God. The examples above accomplish all of this without you having to deal with the consequences of being a passive bystander.

Now consider that, if you are comfortable with this, and she is responsive, you are set up for the next obvious step, which is inviting a good buddy of yours over for a three-way with her. Her fantasy as you described it is two guys getting it on with her while you watch. Who's to say you cannot be one of the guys doing it to her? "Sure, Baby. But I'll choose who the guys will be. I choose me and ______." If you do this, make sure she is really agreeable and attracted to the guy you choose. You may not want to go there, but then again, it can be a lot of fun if you have a close friend whom you trust and whom she finds adequately attractive. I think all of us who've had this experience will attest that it is a lot of fun. It also leads to reciprocity. By that I mean, not only may your buddy return the favor with a girlfriend of his someday, but of course, you are in the perfect position to suggest a threesome with your girl and another woman. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. But maybe this is not for you. It could lead to four-ways, orgies, multiple women . . . . I shudder to think.

There is no end to the possibilities, only many to explore. The point is to reframe what's happened between you two as a beautiful and exciting opportunity for you to explore and expand your mutual erotic aptitudes and appetities gradually, safely and joyfully WITH YOU IN THE LEAD.

Now let's deal with the third issue. If you are not comfortable with this level of experimentation, there is no shame in that. Under no circumstances should you ever allow someone to shame you into engaging in any kind of behavior that you are uncomfortable with. On the other hand, if you intend to grow, not just as a person, but as a man, you will need to get in the habit of challenging your comfort level in various aspects of your life. You simply cannot evolve without stretching beyond your comfort level from time to time. This may be a time to stretch beyond your comfort level a bit.

There are some other things that can be said here, which I would expect others, incuding David, to comment upon. One is that you used the lower case "i" a number of times in your e-mail. David believes this is an indicator of low self-esteem. He routinely points this out in his newsletters and advises against it. I believe this is good advice. If it is an accurate indicator of low self-esteem in your case, then I have no doubt that your girl senses it, and once again, that leads us back to the first issue. She's testing you. If your self-esteem is so low, that you cannot deal with her fantasy without feeling "hurted" and so forth, how are you going to react if she shares a darker side of herself still unexpressed? Will you be strong enough to protect her in a confrontation with a genuine physical threat? Maybe you so, but the deepest part of her brain, that part that is tens of thousands of years old, is shrieking "NO! He's a wimp! He can't protect me!" This would suggest that perhaps the sex hasn't been as good for her as you might believe, because she will not have been able to surrender to the experience in the presence of your fragile esteem. But even if your estimation of her sexual responsiveness to this point has been accurate, your reaction to her disclosure will almost certainly inhibit her future responsiveness. If this is a casual relationship, it may already be over for her. If a substantial emotional bond has developed between you, it probably isn't over yet, but will be sooner or later, unless you rise above your hurt, STOP personalizing her fantasy as an insult, and take advantage of the magnificent possibilities that are inherent in her disclosure. SEE ABOVE and re-read as many times as necessary!

Also, your grammar in your e-mail is pretty poor. This may be because you were upset and writing quickly. Also, it's remarkably easy to slip into poor grammar in e-mail, but poor grammar may also be characteristic of your speech. Women are very verbal creatures — much more so than men are. You don't have to be perfect, but bad grammar on any more than a rare occasion will be a complete turn-off to any woman of high quality. Be honest in your assessment of yourself, and if your e-mail language is characteristic of your speech, consider joining a group like Toastmasters and learn how to speak well. Toastmasters can be found in most major metropolitan areas. All by itself, an experience like Toastmasters will have a strong positive impact on your self-esteem and your strength and confidence in social situations. I cannot understate how important that is to women in their evaluation of men.

Last, but certainly not least, if you haven't read David's "What Women Really Look for in Men," get it ASAP and read it carefully. If you have read it, obviously it didn't sink in, so pull it out, read it again, underline, highlight, tab, make it a study, until you get it! You'll be much better prepared for your next TEST.

I hope you find this helpful, and I wish you the best.

Ric

A lot of people think women have fantasies because she has to fill a void or something is missing. If there is in fact a problem in the relationship chances are she feels some sort of frustration or insufficiency. But most of all, she is very open and that is good because it shows she loves to explore all of her sexuality.

If I play "Mr. Psychiatrist", then I would think she wants you to watch so you can "see how it's done." The truth is, society has messed up women haha. Society tells women it's ok to have sex, as long as she doesn't initiate it or it teaches them to suppress sexual desires completely. Contradictory info I'd say.

Women are "allowed" sexual desires, pushed to fulfill them, but she is encouraged to be passive about everything. But in her fantasies, she is in control of all things and taboo things as well so she gets to be active and stop repressing them.

She wants sexual freedom more than anything, and if she see that this affects you then she is going to have second thoughts about your strength. Compassion helps, try putting yourself in her shoes, would you (HONESTLY) have a threesome with 2 women while she watches if she said she was completely ok with it?

Using hypnosis would be a great way to see how she wants things done

All in all, if you can call this a "problem" then this wouldn't be a problem at all but a symptom. Dig deep within yourself and communicate honestly with her, that's how to solve this. Honesty is like a band-aid, the slower you pull it off, the longer it's going to hurt. If you gain her deep trust that she won't hurt your ego, she will not be afraid to tell you anything and she will open up even more to you and show her raw femininity.

my 2cents, if it's even worth that much haha

Oh man, that's kind of a messed up situation. But believe me when I say I completely understand what you are going through, because I am going through the same thing right now in a different way with my GF.

In my situation it's different because my gf wanted to have a threesome with a guy and his girlfriend, which I told her she could do…and she did…without me there to even watch. So trust me bro, I understand how the thought can drive you nuts. Jealousy is a b*tch, and especially when it's involving someone you really care about. Recently i've been having a hard time trying to cope with my situation in a semi poly/ open relationship.

Here is my advice to you of what I have discovered so far in my journey through the fun world of Jealousy.

1. Even if you decided to make it go through, you are definitely NOT ready for it yet. You are going to have to spend a lot of time thinking about jealousy, why you feel it, and think of some strategies to cope with it.

2. If you decide to go through with it, agree on a keyword ahead of time, that signifies that you are uncomfortable with what's going on and to stop. That way you always have a way out. I've heard of a lot of swingers doing this, and it seems to work pretty well for them.

3. What makes this particularly complicated, and different from any old threesome/ foursome, is that she seems like someone you really care about. This is the reason why you feel sick, and believe me man, I've felt the same sickness. You're going to have to be able to separate sex…from love. One thing that will really help you if you decide to go through with it is to have your gf re-assure you constantly.
- Have her tell you she loves you before, and while she is having sex with the two guys.
- She should have sex with you first, before she has sex with the two guys…period. Maybe she wants you to get off while she is having sex with the two guys, but even still, you must be the first one to penetrate her.
- After words have her leap into your arms and both of you will tell each other how much you love each other.

4. She needs to understand how you feel about all of this. Help her to understand that you are not trying to pass judgments on her, and that you are just trying to let her know how you HONESTLY feel. Tell her that you want her to be able to have her fantasy, but that it still make s you uncomfortable.

5. I believe a lot of your fear is that she will leave you for someone else if they have sex as good or better than you. I think the thing that i've realized from all of this poly ordeal is that although having a great sex life is really import the orgasms are only one piece of the puzzle in your relationship. If all you have is a relationship that is built on sex, and all she think of you is as her sex object, then of course you will be worried about someone else pleasuring her.

Sex is really important in a relationship, but sometimes it can be like duct tape. You see the table starting to fall apart, so you duct tape it together again. Yeah, that works, and you can keep doing that, but it really hasn't fixed anything. H#ll I used to use sex and multiple orgasms to distract my gf from real problems in the relationship. But in the end it doesn't really matter. You still have to go straight to the heart of the problem in your relationship. If she really loves you, and knows that you care about her, she won't leave you.

It's like my gf told me after the threesome, when I got really upset "I mean I would be lying to you if I said "No it wasn't fun or pleasurable", but after words I knew that I still loved you. Sure they are really fun attractive people, but I that can't even compare with love."

First, I'd like to say that you seem to be quite emotionally distraught. So much so that you can't figure out what you need to do and must ask for advice from objective observers. I've experienced something that was indeed very similar on a few occasions.
On that note, I'd like to give some preliminary advice, make sure you are totally calm and collected when dealing with this issue or it has a much higher chance of exploding in your face.
Imagine a shotgun that chooses not to go off until after your eye is pressed up to the end of the barrel, trying to figure out what's wrong with the round.
So, from this point on it isn't really advice I'd like to give, but more my own experiences and my own solutions when presented with strikingly similar problems.

***

There have been many times my heart was ripped cleanly from my chest, chewed violently and then spit out to be trampled in the dust. I have seen the very best and the extreme worst of women and to tell you truth, they're no better or no worse then any guys I've known.
A while back, when I was just starting out in the whole dating scene, I had been quite hurt by more than a few women. I had all manner of things being done to me. Girls were cheating on me at parties that we went to together, some were cheating with my best friends, others wanted to have threesomes with my friends, etc…
Off topic for a second, It's always interesting to me when you learn things that enable you to look back on a previous experience and you can gain an even deeper understanding of what happened and as a side effect increase understanding about yourself and the world around you.
Anyway, to stay more on topic, as I look back to all those muddy situations with my newly gained knowledge a lot of the muddyness starts to clear up. It's a mixture of experience neatly blended with some very well thought out theories that make a mental detergent of sorts.
Ok, the conclusion I arived at after re-examining all the situations was that I was more at fault in each situation. I could track down the clues that everything was about to fall apart. Each time I could trace back to the beginning of my mistakes and I'm possitive that they contributed more than their fair share of problems.
The sexual fantasies have come up more than a few times. One girl I was dating awhile back said she wanted to have a threesome with myself and another guy… Needless to say, the idea didn't turn me on all that much. She tried to soften it up a little by saying it could be a girl, but I had already been hurt. She later followed with an uppercut after it had become obvious I was in pain and suggested that she maybe wanted an orgy instead. Anyway, Instead of trying to talk to her and then taking it as a chance to explore my own sexuality I blew up, called her a few somewhat undeserved names and then went outside and cried about the whole dilema. Emotions hammered me all at once, pounding me into submission… I truly caved.
That was the proverbial "final straw" after which I decided to take a break and see if there was a way to figure this whole thing out. The break was exactly what I needed. I didn't know what I had to do, but I was on an adventure. It started with one book, quickly escalating from there, turning into a self improvement whirlwind that picked me up and still hasn't put me down yet.
Jump to the present, there is a girl I curently talk to and the same situation came up where she suggested she wanted to have a threesome with me and another guy. I told her that if it was going to happen with me it would only be with another girl. Not once getting angry or deffensive, never calling her names, I only told her straight out what my rules were. She agreed to my rules and we went on talking like the episode was a totally normal part of conversation.
Two examples of similar situations turning out to have totally different endings. The only thing I can attribute the later success to is my changed response and more importantly the character that has been developed over a fair number of years spent digging and searching. The knowledge that there are all types of women and each one is a chance to explore my sexuality helps as well.
Now, there is always the possibility that the women feels very comfortable with you. So comfortable in fact that the relationship starts to chafe a little bit and she feels the need to stir things up or go crazy, which could very well include hurting you… on purpose.
Causing pain is a very effective part of seduction, being used to help spice things up when they've run a little on the bland side. That includes stirring a tiny bit of jealousy in your gut to push you into becoming slightly more passionate in your lovemaking. You may not be strong enough in the bedroom and jealousy is a very effective motivator to become more beastly and passionate. Animalistic and instinctual could be another way to look at it but however you view it something more is needed then just orgasms. It's all about the experience leading up to the orgasm.
There is also the chance that she did in fact want to hurt you. She could have been waiting for an opening so she could shove a spike really quick into a soft spot. She might even have all of your soft spots mapped out so she can maliciously exploit them one by one in future situations, causing you enough pain so that you leave of your own free will. In that way you save her the work of having to break up with you.
There are as many possibilties as there are women on this planet, each and every individual motivation driving them to do what they do. It's best not to get hung up on it. With so many possibilities you can never know the truth unless she explains why she did it. And even then, she might hold something back to spare your feelings a little.
I don't believe her intentions were malicious. The fact that she tried to pass it off as a joke to ease the pain a little tells me that she does care about you.
I believe that if it hurts too much and you don't think that you can let it go, then you need to do the both of you a favor and move on. The pain will only get worse if you try to ignore it or patch over it with a smile. If left to fester over time it can turn into something truly grotesque, causing you and everyone around you pain.
On the other hand, if you feel you can live with what she said and accept her sexuality and fantasies, then you have a chance of working it out and exploring your own sexuality more deeply. Remember that the women may tell you her fantasies, but that's never the final word.
In my opinion it comes down to this; when I wasn't ready for the situation I moved on and learned from it, you might want to think about doing something similar before you get caught up in an emotional self-drama you don't seem skilled enough to navigate just yet.
It's better to start fresh than to spend time nursing a wound, unless of course you feel that nursing the wound could strengthen you for the future. True, it might very well do that exact thing, but broadening your experience also does that quite nicely with considerably less pain and a much higher success rate.
Always keep in mind that the problem remains in your own head and no where else, so if there is something to be done, it's to be done by yourself to yourself. Just remember to sprinkle in some some good advice meaty with wisdom and plenty of experience.

Peace out

Hi,
well i know just how u feel my x wantted the same thing and like u said it does hurt very much and does make u angery, i think u should sit down wif her and tell her that it hurt u and tell her because of this u r losing love or attraction for her because she was suggesting well sort of cheatting on u and i hope she will c it ur way and understand but do understand u most proberly u would like to have a 3some wif other females but wif her as 1 yes? but she should respect ur feelings more i mean those things i believe u shouldnt share unless u r in a relationship which eather that is allowed or u can talk like that to each other even like that it will hurt a bit bit honestly it is up to u if u do not like the idea tell her and if she doesnt stay with u then she isnt werth it.. i had to find that out the hard way wif my x and it really hurt mainly because that happened to me wen i was just 16 i talked to my friends about it and they said she isnt werth it but i loved her and didnt care untill 1 day wen she left me and went off wif 2 guyz that nite so think about it but do not think about her doing it because it will hurt and anger u talk to her about it and if more problems pop up then email again and we will think of other ways to help… sorry but this is all i can think of at the moment i hope it helps good luck. :)

There are a lot of useful comments! There are a lot long comments too! I'll try to keep it short!

I think the fact that she shared her fantasy with the guy is a very good thing. It shows trust and a deep level of connection. Also the kind of fantasy is important. It might seem that she doesn't want to get fucked by the guy but this is not the case. I think that in her mind she upgraded him from a lover to sexual mentor. He has brought the woman in her and in her fantasy she wants to show him that.

In her fantasy he has the most important role. He is not the entertainer, he is the one entertained. The threesome is a show for him. Its a show of how he has brought the sexual woman (the slut) in her. Its also a 'thank you' show. She is doing it to please him!

I think this guy did everything great before this situation. His reaction to the fantasy was not so good but I understand it. It messed his ego. His logical part of the brain told him that she wants to fuck other men and not him! That raised insecurities and negative emotions followed. Bad thing! An honest talk with her will help things back to normal. I think no real harm have been done but it might need some more time to regain that feeling of trust and connection.

Regarding the actual fantasy, he can make it real. He can do it by hypnosis or by simple suggestion. Both ways can work. However, I wouldn't be in a hurry to do that. They both need some time to feel at ease with it!

That's about it from me! Have fun,
Jef

Well, either she meant it or she didnt. ( for me its hard to tell forsure which one it is).

If she didnt, she either wants to see his reaction and hopes to see some anger/jealousy on his part, to see that he is attracted to her. In which case he should continue the relationship. (personally I'm against relationships, but if one does believe in them, this would not be a cause to leave if it was this kind of test.)

If she didnt mean it but gets off on making him jealous…DUMP THAT BITCH.

Now, If she DID mean it….well… she thought she can express this being that they have done many things as this guy said in his email, and so she felt it was time to FULLY open up to him about her DEEPEST DARKEST fantasies, thinking he would accept and go with it. She might be one who wants her man to get excited seeing her get fucked (like David and his girl). Perhaps she wants to at least try a swinger lifestyle by bringing this fantasy to the table. If so, the only way to keep her satisfied now, would be to do it, and if he cant, then its over.

JJ from Los Angeles
Or if she did mean it,

The Sexual Comfort Zone

You’ve just been taken out of your Sexual Comfort Zone.

Clearly you’re woman is a very sexual girl and as you’re relationship has progressed over time you successfully brought out her “inner slut” and allowed her to trust you. She trusted you completely by sharing her secret fantasy with you that is very special and personal to her.

Then you completely screwed up.

Right at the moment when she was most vulnerable and was opened up to you completely you slammed her.

Right at the moment when she was most vulnerable and sexually open to you, right at the moment when you’re sexual relationship could have taken it to the next amazing level, you got angry at her. You hurt her.

In your mind, her fantasy of being fucked by 2 men while you watch is a threat. This took you completely out of your comfort zone. You believe that she wants to “make you jealous” and “finds pleasure in the act of making fun of you.” That’s simply not true.

In her mind, that fantasy was a very exciting experience that she wanted to share with you. She wanted to take the sexual relationship with you to the next level.

But now the trust has been broken and I highly doubt it will happen now. Even if she did, she would be too busy worrying about you being angry or paranoid to even enjoy it.

Try looking at this differently. Go to that place that makes you uncomfortable, and just do it. Focus on her getting your woman off. Focus on the sexual adventure. Turn her on, encourage her and make her cum. It may hurt a little but soldier on and enjoy it. Expand your Sexual Comfort Zone…

Hi there,

I think that can be many interpretations for the situation described. Without knowing the relationship between the writer and his girlfriend I cannot really choose one.
Apart from the ones already presented, I think it is also possible that she wants to be admired by her sexual achievements. The key to her fantasy is that he is watching her, not the rest - which is pretty common. It might be that, contrary to what everyone is writing, our writer is a very dominant and macho lover who fully satisfies his girlfriend. It is possible that she wants to impress him with her abilities. Let's say that our reader has shown her a lot of new sexual techniques and sensations. She might want to show that she does have some merit herself, and that it is not all his doing. How can she do that? By being DPed by other guys. Now, does she want to humiliate him? That depends. It is not impossible that she thinks that he is so cool he won't mind - which I doubt - or that she is just projecting from her viewpoint: "I get horny seeing him fucking 2 girls, as I admire the stud he is, so he will feel the same, and admire my sexual abiilities"
Now that fantasy can get your relationship on shaky grounds. If you feel the slightest insecurity about it, don't do it. I would definitely play a dildo on her and be sure to give her enough complements. And tell her, with a cool, relaxed look, almost in a laugh: "I am not the kind of men who can be sitting watching some guys having you. I am your man. I might allow some extra dick to be temporarily invited in, to serve a purpose, but no way I will not be on top of things. Get another fantasy… ;-)" And give her a HUGE smile and a kiss… But DONT make her feel guilty about the fantasy. And you could also give it a twist: "Would you feel horny by imagining me fucking some two hot ladies?" with an inviting and exciting look - not a sad or recriminatory one - and maybe you could see what her thoughts are. If she says "no way", then she is out to humilliate you. If she says "Yes!" then she is just projecting that on you. And you are on to have a very nice foursome…

Good luck,

Rodinsky

Hi,

I think you made the first mistake by overreacting and getting angry.

You asked her about her fantasies. You should be open minded enough to listen calmly and discover what really makes it exciting for her to make you watch her f**king two guys at the same time.

Many women can have many outrageous fantasies. If you do not believe, read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. You should be open to discuss any fantasy calmly, before even bringing up the topic of fantasies.

Before labeling as "sick", you could ask some more questions calmly, like "what makes that fantasy to turn you on?" "Why should I watch? I'd rather participate?" etc…

Maybe she just wants more sex. Maybe she wants to turn you on so much, that after you watch them, you two can have mind blowing, passionate sex. There may be many different motives with her wanting you to watch her threesome.

Personally, if I were in your shoes, I'd be playful with it. I'd even be open to realize the fantasy, on the condition that she also gets to watch me with two women at the same time.

The only real problem with that fantasy is, if you lose control of the sexuality in this relationship. You got to lead her. You got to have the personal power and control. If she thinks she is not satisfied, so you got to watch and learn how it's done, that's a real problem. I hope that's not the case.

You lost some of your power by over reacting. You showed her she could hurt you. Now she has some power over you. And lost some respect over you.

If you have given her some powerful orgasms, and she had a good amount of respect for you, that alone won't let the whole relationship go down the drain.

However, I think you should resolve this by talking to her openly and honestly. And be calm and cool about it.

You should come from Personal Power.

You should have not slightest doubt about your position. You are a man that understands women sexuality and her emotional needs. You are are man capable of giving any women great pleasure. You are the prize. You are testing her to see if she is worth and capable of receiving the pleasure. Not the other way around.

You seem to be unsure about that. "Pretty sure" is not enough. You must be absolutely sure.

Also you have used small i's referring yourself. This shows you have low self esteem.

Maybe you are coming from not total self esteem and power, but coming from "technical knowledge" of being able to give women powerful orgasms.

Let me tell you that, giving powerful orgasms is only a part of her experience. Being in the presence an under the leadership of a powerful man is what it is all about.

Whatever you do, do some "inner work" first. Women have instinct and observation power to spot a powerful man among 1000 timid wimps from a mile. Your personal power and self esteem radiates in everything you do.

Without hight self esteem and personal power, you will not succeed with this women or any other women. Develop this first, rest comes easy.

First I would take a deep breath and try to notice my own feelings. How is that making me react? In the end the only thing that can really affect you should be yourself, that is, you should have control over your emotions from a deattached point of view. That might sound odd because you are supposed to be in “love” with this person, and that should mean that you are ‘attached’ to her on some level. But there are different levels of love, and I guess one of the first ones is where you are completely attached to that person, value her a lot, and could not stand losing her, like you need her to be happy.. Whenever something coming from outside of you is having such a strong impact on you (hurting you) you should reconsider. To really be happy in relationships you have to be happy with yourself first. You have to be not only cool with being alone, but actually like it as well.
You depend on yourself for your happiness, and once you have that, you will have a higher form of love for everybody else: compassion! Because you realize that people do things based on certain other things in their lives, not out of stupidity, cruelty, or ignorance. So you have to try and understand her, where she is coming from. But before that, as I mentioned, you have to deal with your own emotions. Have compassion for yourself: recognize the emotions, and try to understand where they are coming from, what might have caused them, and how you can move on and learn from them. Then you do the same with your girlfriend.
You should be happy that she trusted you enough to share the fantasy with you. Don’t blow it by making her regret it, and never trusting you again to share what is on her mind. Because she will keep having the same thoughts, without you knowing about them, and being able to do anything about it…
So you should be happy she came out to you. The KEY, however, is for you to open up to her, and tell her that it made you feel insecure, or whatever emotions it made you feel, but that you found it awesome that she trusted you enough share with you, and that you are willing to fully try and understand it. Tell her to explain what she thinks turned her on about the fantasy; what parts she actually enjoyed; how she would feel doing it etc. how does she think that would make you feel, and more importantly how she would like you to react. Really dive into it and try to figure it out. I know it sucks that your girl is having those thoughts, but she is having them. You have to understand them. Only then can you really judge them.
From here on forward it is kind of hard to give further suggestions, because it would depend on what she said.
But basically you should get to the bottom of it, see if is something that you can live with. In the end of the day, fantasies are fantasies, and they don’t necessarily really mean much beyond that. I am sure you have fantasies of fucking 5 girls at the same time. doesn’t mean you would do it if you are in a happy monogamous relationship.
But I understand your worry, why would she want you to actually be there seeing it? It is ok if she wanted to just have sex with 5 guys, like you would with 5 girls. But I think the issue is that she just wants to know that you can ‘take it.’ That it is 'ok' with you. That the person of authority in her world (you) are ok with her doing bad things. Probably goes back to control issues she had growing up with her parents or other people of authority; lack of attention, or something like that. But The fact that you are in the fantasy means that you are the key figure in it. I don’t think it is about the sex that she would actually have. I can picture her having the sex, but with her eyes always on you, almost looking for your approval, or any type of reaction from you. I don’t know what the appropriate reaction would be, because it depends on her specific case. So Dive into it and try to figure it out.

Wow some of you guys are leaving some pretty insightful comments. Particularly I have to agree with hottieblonde. You did a great job being man enough to open her up sexually. Your woman felt secure enough to tell you one of her wildest fantasies, even though I am sure she knew it was potentially dangerous relationship move.
Ask your friends what their girlfriend’s fantasies are. How many of them, except for those who have studied David's material, can tell you? She showed a great deal of trust in telling you this and as bonepony mentioned, I don’t think it was her intention to hurt you at all. You asked, she told you.
It’s your responsibility to be man enough to handle the fact that she is a sexual creature and she still finds men, besides you, attractive. Jealousy is a useless, negative emotion that as an empowered man, you can choose to rise above. It is your problem; it is for you to deal with it. Besides if you are really doing all these wonderful things for her that you say you are, then what have you to fear?
Having said that, don’t beat yourself up about it if you are a little jealous. You were obviously blindsided. You were perhaps expecting her to tell you about her fantasy of have a threesome with yo