Hello Reader. I get some very interesting emails. This time I would like you to answer an email. How would you reply to this guy? This is your chance to be the sexpert. Comment on what you would reply. Here’s the email…
——
David,
I have a question for you and i was wondering if you could help me to figure this out.
I’ve been able to give my woman the most beatiful experiences in sex and I’m pretty sure that she feels fullfilled because i’ve given her all kinds of strong orgasms wether it is stimulating her physically or mentally so regarding that part i have no worries…
I’m writing you because one time i was talking with her about fantasies, you know, the fantasies that she might have to see if a could make them real and the thing is that she told me that she would like to do it with two guys in front of me, you know, me watching her having sex with other two men and this is why i’m writing you because it really hurted me, it really freaked me out just the tought of it and it made me angry the fact that she fantazies with that, so i’m writing you to see if you can help me to understand this, what is the reason of that and to see if she was real about this because when she saw that it made me angry she said she was joking, but i don’t think she was…I mean i can understand the fantasy of doing it with two guys at the same time, double penetration, i mean if a woman loves to have one cock inside wether it is in her pussy or her butt it is logical that she would love to have the two of them at the same time, i can understand that, but i just can’t figure out the reason of why she would love to do it in front of me, what kind of sick thing is that? Would she love to watch me get jealous, would she love to watch how i get when i watch her being taken by two guys? Would she love to hurt me that way? because i’ve heard that the whole fact of women cheating is more like a fantasy they all have, that they find pleasure in the act of making fun of their partner and not in the act of sex itself and that they would love to do it in front of their man.
I really hope you can help me to understand this because it’s driving me nuts and right now i don’t see her the way i used to be. I want to make clear that i don’t have any hang-ups on sex and i don’t judge it in any way, in other words i don’t have any kind of trouble with it and that’s why i’ve been able to satisfy her completely but i believe is just kind of logical that this whole situation affects me, i mean, no real man would like to see his woman being fucked by another man, specially by two and no real man would like that his woman finds pleasure in it. So David, please, help me to understand and please tell me the thruth, no matter what it is, i mean, don’t try to make it look good or fine, tell me whatever the truth is.
——-
Ok, there you have it. What would you write back to this guy? Write your advice in a comment on this post. I am going to moderate all the comments. As I read them, I will mark the ones that stay on topic for approval. By Sunday night, I will judge one comment as the winner. As the winner, your comment will be featured as an article on my blog, with my comments on why I selected it.
And the guy who sent in the letter will receive a complimentary half hour consultation with me in which I will share your advice with him.
So now’s your chance! Enter your comment below.
Give Women Incredible Pleasure,
David Shade
P.S. My response can be found in PART 2 of this thread here:
She Wants Him To Watch Her Have Sex With 2 Guys Part II
This is bull$hit!
Most of these replies have been hilarious. They’re very encouraging of you letting your woman live out her fuck-me-but-no-fuck-you fantasy. The only thing missing was the contact information for volunteers.
The very first thing you have to decide in life as a MAN is what you want in your life. What kind of life do you want to have? What kind of women do you want in your life? What do you want? Do you want to watch your woman “cuckold” you with two guys each with dicks twice as long and thick as yours? That’s totally up to you if you do.
As far as this anything goes attitude, If your woman told you she had a fantasy of watching you being fucked in the ass by her ex-lover while giving head to a billy goat would you go along with it?
At the same time a fantasy is a fantasy. Nothing to get angry about if you’re secure in yourself and your relationship. Reacting with hostility to a fantasy is a sure fire way to sabotage the relationship you’ve already built. And as David has already pointed out there are ways to make her experience impossible things as if they were real. Hypnotize her and make her experience her fantasy without causing yourself any problems. That should be enough for her. If’ it’s not then kick her to the curb.
My advise is to be unflappable at all times. Don’t let it phase you whatever her fantasies are. But you choose which fantasies get acted out and in what way.
Your initial response is quite natural of any man in today’s society. The truth is, however, that if you reflect on your situation you’ll see that you are a truly lucky man and your response just showed her you’re like the rest of the guys she’s been with. There’s always hope for salvation.
You say you have given your woman a myriad of sexual experiences, both “physical and mental”. In the process, you have probably expanded her sexual envelope. She probably feels closer, more comfortable and more open to discussing some of the deeper, more unexplainable, fantasies she has with you because she trusts and respects you so much.
The truth is that women have very intricate fantasies which are irrational by social norms. The rape fantasy is a common one, but NO WOMAN actually wants to be raped. But in the context of a man whom they love, respect and trust, being ravaged and ravished in the same arms which they find comfort in can be majorly orgasmic.
So, consider this. The woman in your life has just revealed one of those deeper, intricate, unexplainable womanly fantasies. Don’t use the norms of society to rationalise it and, instead, try to grasp the feelings she may experience from being fucked hard by two men while you are watching. Perhaps you can give her those same, exciting feelings without actually having her getting fucked by two men. Remember that you are an important element of this fantasy (she wants YOU to watch, not anyone else!), and she has revealed something to you which she cannot reveal to any other man (unless you don’t do anything about it now and she actually DOES).
Assure her again, that your response was a natural one and that after thinking about it more you’re actually quite curious and ready to explore it more (if you’re not curious not, GET CURIOUS – women’s fantasies are something else and provide you opportunities to harness some raw, animalistic power in her and affirm your raw masculiune power).
Talk to her about how she FEELS when she thinks about fucking two other guys and you are watching. You should try to give her those same feelings. It is your responsibility as her Masterful Lover.
Your initial response was probably because you’ve reached the limits of your own sexual envelope. This is your chance to harness some courage and true balls and venture into the unknown. Remember that, with women, it’s not usually about the actual fantasy but the powerful emotions they feel during the fantasy.
Don’t rationalise it, just work with it. Good luck.
- Kash
On the way home I just realized my previous comment was slightly off target.
My main point was that she wanted to show how good she is in bed. But I made a wrong reasoning, because:
a) Women dont want to show off their sexual abilities, they want to show off their seduction abilities.
What she wants is to show you that she is desired by everyone – a Queen – but that only you – the King – has her. The other guys might fuck her, but she would be looking at you the whole time, because her heart is yours. She will do it if you let her, and she would be burning of desire of seeing you fuck her ten times as hard afterwards.
It is the same kind of motivation that leads women to dress a short skirt before going out with their boyfriend: for everyone to desire her and for you to feel that jealousy that makes you want to desire her more and fuck her harder (see http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep021223.pdf for a evolutionary explanation of this).
From most comments, I think there is a very dangerous pitfall everyone above is falling into:
It is true that women make some tests blabla to guys before they are dating them. But once the tests are overcome with straight As and a woman is madly in love, that is TOTALLY over. She is not testing you anymore, she already sees you as the King. She is definitely not looking forward to destroy the image that makes her happy. And you should not be on “test-fighting” mood throughout your relationship, or you will destroy it. As a matter of fact, most tests inside a relationship require the opposite response. She is usually testing whether you are as commited to her as she is to you. Be a Man with her by leading, being protective and romantic and a provider and in bed; show the man you are in social situations or ones that require bravery, etc.. But do not respond to potential “tests” like you would with a girl you met in a bar, because she is not testing you anymore.
So it is silly to let yourself down because your lady told you her fantasy. Show her you desire her wildly, and fuck her harder while telling her her fantasy out loud. When she is, in fantasy, being fucked by the other guys, just tell her as you decide you cannot resist her anymore and just approach with such a look that the guys just move away in respect and then … fuck her harder. :-)
If your crotch is not hurting from all the banging in hers when you are done, you haven’t fucked her hard enough.
Cheers,
Rodinsky
You need to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with this girl. . Things to consider are:
1) What if she likes it so much she wants it to become a regular thing? Can you handle it if it does become a regular thing? Does she want you to become involved in those trysts?
2) How would *she* feel if you were to tell her you wanted to fuck two girls in front of *her*? Would she react positively? {Probably she’d respond with a “Hit the road Jack, and don’t ya come home no mo’ no mo’ no mo’ no mo’.”)
Sit down and tell her your feelings, if she responds nonchalantly and doesn’t seem to care, well *NEXT* the bitch, unless you want to be a cuckold that she sees as a object, and has no respect for.
Ok… first of all. I suggest that all readers of this blog (re-)read those comments by: (in no particular order) wizardaway, drorganico, Marc, bjsebeck, ehrichweiss, Konsti, godzilla, Rachel (insightful!), Johannes.Pauw, BonePony, hottieblonde. To everyone (David Shade as #1): THANK YOU. I’ve not been in such a situation (yet), but I’ll arrive to similar situations in the future, in one way or another. As such, my conclusions on the subject are:
1) It does seem like the reader has some self-esteem issues which need to be adressed to regain a calm state of mind and heart, regardless of the outcome in this relationship: I expect the reader wants to move in a positive direction in sensuality/sexuality in his life, and as such needs to do some serious introspection to ascertain the (real or imagined) causes of his anxiety.
2) Perspective is EVERYTHING. If you choose (choose!) to feel angry, pass judgement upon a person who has opened up to you, etc. You need to understand why you feel those particular feelings.
3) In the book “The Mating Mind” (haven’t finished it yet) the author claims/proves that men AND women have been in a race since the dawn of time to pass their genes on to the next generation, for which they require a worthy and healthy recipient (i.e. a mate). As such, part of your – jealous – reaction may have been hardwired into you (as mentioned before on this blog), as perhaps her wanting to be with other men (to create a sperm war – See “Sperm wars” for more) BUT: her fantasy explicitly mentions YOU in the same room as her whilst she is having sex with two men, double penetration or otherwise.
4) Short aside: could you consider the possibility of being turned on – by her being double penetrated – so much that you either start to touch yourself in front of her, or that you give her the gift of your cock in her mouth whilst she’s taken from behind, or similar fantasies?
5) It seems that you’ve focused your learning of David Shade’s material on the “mechanical” side – i.e. techniques and such. Again, I strongly recommend you re-read his introductions of his products, in which he clearly outlines his idea of what “being a man” entails, and the mindset that this brings to your life.
6) I particularly liked the idea of calmly (!!!!!) discussing the fantasy with your woman, and getting to the bottom of the why. The how, when… would be for an other moment in time, if you so choose.
Now, to my more personal point of view: I’ve been spared such a situation in my life up to now, so I can not talk about your situation from personal experience. BUT, I took the time to vividly imagine my girlfriend answering that when I ask her for her deepest, darkest fantasy. My gut level reaction: I felt as if I wasn’t enough of a man to her. By reading comments by others on this blog and doing some serious introspection, I understood (albeit on mostly the rational level) that such an answer is an amazing gift. A truly amazing gift. Whilst in “ESO” (recommended by David Shade) communication is highly valued, I particularly would value the valour of telling the person you love your deepest, (darkest) fantasy. Becoming mentally so naked and trusting in another person requires courage and trust. Courage, because of the possibility of that fantasy going completely against the (moral) values of the other person, and thus risking alienating that person. Trust, on the level that she could become so naked to you, and trusting that you would not hurt or harm her when you heard her fantasy.
Whether she was shit-testing you or not is a bit outside the investigative scope of a written medium such as a blog or an email. As it has been said elsewhere: You have 100% control inside yourself – 0% outside yourself. Any idea of (total) “control” over something, someone, … is a delusion. (Even IF you could control somebody, that person would not be worthy of being in a relationship with a REAL MAN). Regardless, I’m certain that with all the comments and information so far and the critical editing/choosing by David Shade, a positive change will happen in your life.
Lastly, I want to congratulate you on taking action – without it, I would have been ignorant to your ordeal, and the insightful comments by many on your situation would not have come to fruition.
I sincerely hope that your life moves in a positive direction. Take care.
If your relationship and sex life with the girl is as good as you say,
I don’t see any reason to freak out with her fantasy.
She isn’t trying to hurt you, or trying to tell you something is missing in her sex life.
It’s just a fantasy, a conjunction between her sex drive and imagination, and she telling you about it means she deeply trusts you. The girl saw in you someone who could totally accept her desires as a woman (no matter how wild they are), not judging or being frightened and insecure by them.
Her reply to your reaction (“I’m just joking”) outlined your mistake: you shouldn’t
be jealous or angry at her fantasies, and consequently show this to her, because this would destroy the same foundation of trust that made her tell you about her secret thoughts in the first place.
The fact that she wants you to be there watching might mean she wants you to participate in her fantasy, that she wants to show you how sl*tty she is. Maybe she wants to be the porn star you drool over when you watch her being fucked.
What you need to do is to EXPLORE her fantasy and find out what elements in it arouses her so you can tap into the essence of them, without actually bringing 2 guys over to a hotel room to screw your girl.
Anyway, it’s just a fantasy, it doesn’t mean she wants it to happen for real.
As I said before, you shouldn’t be frightened by a fantasy. BUT it’s OK to be bothered by the actual event of your girl being fucked by two guys in front of you.
You shouldn’t feel that to fully satisfy her you should aim for one day to feel happy watching your girl being banged by someone else.
Some people may label you selfish, possessive, unconfident, or accuse you of not truly loving her for not going along with the fantasy, but it’s just something you WOULDN’T like to do.
“Forcing” yourself to act on the fantasy because you love her so much and want to please her, would backfire, and probably make you hate her, obviously destroying the relationship.
This is difficult to determine with the information provide, as I feel it could mean many things.
Things I’d like to know:
How long have you been together?
What, if can remember ,was your wording and vibe of this conversation, that brought up her reveal? And what was her tonality in response?
She could be testing you for a number of reasons. I feel if she was being honest about her fantasy, she is hoping you are as confident as she suspects. If it is an out and out test. She suspects you may not be.
At very least this is a break point for her. Based on your reaction, I see only one choice. Be true to your feelings while maintaining your strength. You can tell her you’ve thought about what she told you. You are impressed by her ability in allowing herself to share something so unconventional with you and while you wouldn’t want to deny her fulfilling her true fantasies, your connection to her pleasure is too strong to remove your self.
I feel if you maintain caring and composed while conveying these feelings to her, you will surely reveal the truth in her motive.
Good luck
Keep us posted
I think you’re a lucky guy, for several reasons:
to begin with, you’ve obviously established a relationship of trust & intimacy with her. she wouldn’t be that open with you, if you hadn’t. so congratulations on that. this is a deeply taboo fantasy and is actually common among women. but most of them would never reveal that to you, precisely because of the way you responded.
I think you are mistaken in your assessment of the situation, my friend. don’t feel angry or threatened about it. look at it for what it is — proof that she trusts you very much, enough to share with you one of her deepest, most secret fantasies. you should be flattered, if anything.
if it was me, I would be fine in helping her make that fantasy become a reality. I can’t imagine a hotter scene than my woman lost in the throes of ecstasy between 2 men who know how to treat her right.
keep in mind, her being with 2 men does not necessarily entail double penetration. or, maybe it does. you’d need to talk to her about it & flesh out the details a little more to know what her fantasy exactly is. maybe she just wants to be f*cked while she sucks the other guy off. it could mean a number of things. so don’t jump to conclusions about the DP, you need to get some clarification *without judgement*.
because it is so taboo, can you imagine how hot it would make a woman feel ? the fact that she wants you there is what makes it complete. keep in mind, she could easily find 2 men who’d be willing to have a threesome & you’d never be the wiser. but that isn’t the case here. she wants *you* to be there, to witness it all. it’s not the 2 men who will be driving her ecstasy into the red, it’s your presence that’ll be making the magic. don’t forget that.
you shouldn’t be so quick to make assumptions. she’s not “mocking” you, although it is understandable that you might think that. if she didn’t want to be with you, she’d split. you obviously have a very close, trusting and intimate relationship, and this fantasy is the fruit of that relationship. you’re actually very lucky.
also, I would remind you to look beyond the face value of this particular fantasy & take into consideration the other possibilities this might entail for you. if you indulge her in this fantasy, she is going to be inclined to repay you in spades, and happily. does your fantasy of having a threesome with 2 women while she watches, or even participates, become more of a possibility? could be. you need to focus on the positive, my friend.
your concerns are based on fear & insecurity. your response to her is the same reaction 95% of men would have. be the guy who is secure enough & interested enough in her pleasure to indulge her. she’s not going to want to lose a guy like you, if you did. a guy like that wouldn’t be easy to come by.
my main concern at this point, is how to salvage the damage you may have caused by reacting so negatively to such a rare and special thing. she may not feel as open with you as she did before. if it was me, I’d tell her that her fantasy was alot to take in at first, but after thinking about it, you’ve realized how hot it would be to watch that.
and who knows, you might find she’s not as interested in making it become a reality after all. but you will have proven that you trust her, you’re secure, & you’re a little on the wild side. not bad qualities to have in a relationship, from her perspective.
I say go for it. It’ll be a rare & beautiful thing to see, and you’ll be the man.
My main question is whether she actually wants it done in real life, or if it can be enacted as a fantasy scenario?
I would have to ask David Shade whether there is a way to determine which is the one she really wants. You could ask her, but if she said that its “just a fantasy” I would naturally be suspicious that she just wants to make him feel better.
I would actually love to play out such a fantasy for my girlfriend, as it really does turn me on. Its so ruthlessly sexual. But I don’t think I could go through with it in real life.
Moreover, if he unapologetically and from a position of strength and respect says that he would not do it, then could the relationship survive? From what I’ve read of David Shade’s material, I can’t help but think that at first she would be ok with it. But as time would go by she might come to resent him for denying her this fantasy, and might go behind his back to fulfill this desire. It seems to me that if (not from a position of low self-esteem of course) she genuinly wants this done in real life he has to break the relationship off so she can find herself a man who can fulfill this fantasy.
What worries me is that if one follows all of David Shade’s advice – makes a woman highly orgasmic, acting slvtty, and maybe even a threesome with a woman – then wouldn’t a woman wanting to be with another man simply be an almost guaranteed natural result of having opened up her sexuality so much? And a man, who is unable to fulfill this fantasy for her, would almost be technically punished for having opened up her fantasy like this.
Then again, compromise is always necessary in relationships. I would love to have my girlfriend watch me have sex with 5 women in front of her, but if she was not ok with it, I would be totally fine and move on, never having a problem with it. I would not sleep with women behind her back. Perhaps this man’s girlfriend should act the same way, by compromising and not obtaining EVERY fantasy she desires. Though I doubt David would agree with this.
The first step is to find out what she REALLY wants and WHY, though I don’t really know the bets wya to go about doing this in the proper way.
>…I’ve been able to give my woman the most beatiful experiences in sex and I’m
>pretty sure that she feels fullfilled because i’ve given her all kinds of strong
>orgasms wether it is stimulating her physically or mentally so regarding that part i
>have no worries…
We would have to closely evaluate the validity of your statement before moving along much further in this analysis; our male-sexual-egos tend to become disjointed after the first taste of true sexual “success”. You actually may be the superstar you’ve described, but there are a few things that make me wonder…
>…she would like to do it with two guys in front of me… … i’m writing you because
>it really freaked me out just the thought of it and it made me angry the fact that
>she fantazies with that…
It’s always best to not react negatively toward her fantasies. If your desire is for her to express herself sexually, you should applaud her no matter the fantasy. One of the greatest values of any fantasy is that it doesn’t need to happen in order to have a profound affect on her sexual psyche.
>…what is the reason of that…
It depends. There are an infinite number of possible explanations for her fantasy. SHE DESIRES BEING DESIRED is probably one. On a deeper psychological level, she believes she deserves to feel sexual and she wants to play a role where she is the sole focus of the sexual interaction. This is healthy. She doesn’t necessarily need, or even want, two men. Read a further explanation under a later question.
>…and to see if she was real about this…
Real about her desire to get tag-teamed by two men right in front of you? For the purpose of fantasy, of course it’s “real”; it’s real fantasy. Does she really want a DP? Again, it depends. Whether it’s true or not will remain uncertain. And more importantly, it doesn’t matter if she wants her fantasy to materialize. Just for fun, consider the following three possibilities:
1) She actually does want it to happen. Whether you’re cool with this or not, just give her a high five, let her know you feel close to her, then pin her down, squeeze her firmly and fuck her the way she deserves to be fucked.
2) She simply wants to openly discuss this particular scenario with someone she trusts and respects. She wants to get off from the closeness created by sharing a highly taboo fantasy. Again, just support her exploration. Make her feel natural and normal for her desires.
3) She set up a gauntlet for you to run through as a means to assess your sexual mettle. If this is the case, you failed. She probably loathes your sexual ignorance and you are grounded. More on this later.
>…because when she saw that it made me angry she said she was joking, but i
>don’t think she was…
You’re right. She was NOT joking. And if she needed to lie and say she was joking, she backpedaled so as to save both of you from further embarrassment. This has created a very slippery slope because she now thinks that you view her as A slut, not YOUR slut. Getting angry has forever set you back and it certainly eroded her respect for you. And furthermore, your reaction had a profound negative influence upon the structure of her fantasy. You corrupted her liberation.
>… i mean if a woman loves to have one cock inside wether it is in her pussy or her
>butt it is logical that she would love to have the two of them at the same time, i
>can understand that…
Based on this comment alone, it’s my opinion that you DO NOT understand. This is not logical at all. It’s lazy thinking.
>…i just can’t figure out the reason of why she would love to do it in front of me,
>what kind of sick thing is that?…
I have two comments for this:
1) a. The first reason she wanted to do this in front of you (and tell you about it) is because she LIKED you. It was a story involving you and her inner sexuality. She shared very private information with you. She valued you enough to take a risk. See how that was a display of affection toward you?
b. The second reason she wanted to do this in front of you is because she craves the mental rush that results from a highly unbalanced power relationship established through role-playing, as I mentioned earlier. The essential component is not actually being double stuffed, or even to have intercourse; it’s the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other; in this case it would be she over you (and she over the other two woodsmen). In the end, it’s really nothing more than intentional manipulation of the mind. The brain is the greatest erogenous zone. And this type of objectification can have potent results. She is FORCED to become completely sexual. She wants to be objectified and used and desired for her raw sexuality and feminine assets. This enables her to feel like a purely sexual object. It’s empowering.
2) The second part of your comment is very telling. You committed the critical sin of judging her. If she discovers that you consider her fantasies “sick”, she’ll be done with you quite quickly. In fact, she’s likely fucking other men right now (probably not two at the same time… but it’s possible).
>…Would she love to watch me get jealous…?
No. If she’s a good woman, she doesn’t want you to get jealous. She wants you to cherish her without being insecure and possessive about it. She wants you to be a MAN who supports and endorses her sexual expression.
>…would she love to watch how i get when i watch her being taken by two guys?…
I doubt she got that far along in her fantasy before you crushed it. Remember, it’s HER fantasy. She’s thinking about what she’s feeling. You should be moving right along with her while she expresses this. If you’re not driving the fantasy, she may not be thinking about you very much anyway and you have to understand and accept that. If she notices your ability to go with the flow, it can go a very long way. You have done the opposite.
>…Would she love to hurt me that way…?
I’ll answer this by asking you a question:
Does your relationship have a foundation of mutual trust and respect?
If you answer with “yes”, then the answer to your question is a resounding “NO, she doesn’t want to hurt you”.
If you answer with “I don’t know”, then the answer is “yes, she might want to hurt you.”
If you answer with “no”, then none of this matters and the discussion should cease and be reopened under another topic.
>…i’ve heard that the whole fact of women cheating is more like a fantasy they all
>have, that they find pleasure in the act of making fun of their partner and not in the
>act of sex itself and that they would love to do it in front of their man…
I never neglect the fact that female psychology is elusive, highly complex and sometimes obscure and I can understand why you’re puzzled. But your analysis is buried in inaccuracy and it’s apparent that you grasp onto conclusions that do nothing but undermine female sexuality. This form of mental self-destruction will ensure the hasty departure of any good woman. You need to restructure your mind frame.
>…I really hope you can help me to understand this because it’s driving me nuts…
YOU are driving YOURSELF nuts.
>…and right now i don’t see her the way i used to….
She doesn’t see you the way she used to, either. You encouraged her to express herself and when she did, you pulled the carpet out from under her. I’ll bet $5 she feels cheated and resentful.
>…I want to make clear that i don’t have any hang-ups on sex…
OK, I have to call bullshit here. You DO have hang-ups. Recall this: “… it really freaked me out just the thought of it and it made me angry…”
This sounds like a hang-up to me. Freaking out is not the calm, cool and collected reaction that I associate with sexual liberation.
>…and i don’t judge it [sex] in any way,…
You DO judge it, heavily. Please recall this part: “…but i just can’t figure out why she would love to do it in front of me, what kind of sick thing is that?…”
As I indicated previously, your use of the word “sick” is in fact an uncensored judgment.
>…in other words i don’t have any kind of trouble with it and that’s why i’ve been
>able to satisfy her completely but i believe is just kind of logical that this whole
>situation affects me, i mean, no real man would like to see his woman being
>fucked by another man, specially by two and no real man would like that his
>woman finds pleasure in it…
This is a tragic cascade of wild blanket statements which articulate to me that you are truly misinformed and confused about this subject. You are “in over your head” with this girl; cut your losses.
However, all is not lost for you. I’m sure you’re sharp because you expressed yourself incredibly well considering English is probably not your first language. Use your melon and diligently study EVERYTHING Mr. Shade has written. Implement the material slowly with your next girlfriend, pay very close attention to her on all levels and fire your drunken autopilot.
I still love you.
S. Stone
I believe its totally fine, for her to have this fantasy. after reading the book nancy’s forbiden garden, where the author, brings down different fantasy’s women experiance. there is no question that this is a normal type of women fantasy. she unlike most women opened her fantasy up to you, which is a great thing. I am certain for sure that she would never want this fantasy in real life only with you. During $ex this fantasy is what she is experiancing in order to enhance her plesure, thats just the way women are, so dont worry about it. and use her fantasy to your total advantage.
You’re okay with her fantasizing about fucking two guys at once, but you’re freaked at her wanting to do it right in front of you. Well, okay, you’re mature enough to realize that women have FAR wilder sex fantasies than we men have traditionally given them credit for. And this is a good solid wild fantasy, but with a twist: she wants you to watch her in action, and that puts splinters in your brain. My friend, your reaction is completely wrong-headed, and here’s why:
Consider first the fantasy itself: fucking two guys at once. This is a staple image in porn, of course, and there’s a reason for it. A woman who’s getting it on with two guys can’t possibly be doing it for the intimacy, the connection, the sense of two (oops, three) souls meeting as one, etc. etc. blah, blah, blah. In other words, a woman who fucks two studs at once reveals herself as a wild, wanton, cock-hungry sexual outlaw, and that’s the kind of woman lots of guys want to watch (and fuck) and lots and lots of very nice girls want to BE.
So your girlfriend fantasizes herself to be a cock-hungry wanton slut, the kind of woman so eager for dick she opens herself to two guys at once. And you’re not really okay with that. But you’re forgetting something: she wants to be that way FOR YOU. She wants you there watching so that you can experience her in a whole new way. She wants to be YOUR sexual outlaw, your wild wanton woman; she wants to perform for YOU. Far from being “sickâ€, her fantasy indicates her utter devotion to you, her eagerness to please YOU. The proof for this statement? Imagine if she fantasized about doing it with two guys when you’re NOT around. Then she’s simply fucking around on you, without your informed consent, and betraying you like a lying two-faced whore.
Your girl is the farthest thing from a whore. She wants you there, my friend! She wants to please you! And just imagine what happens between the two of you when the two guys leave her and you’re alone with her. She’ll let you know whose woman she is, who she belongs to. I predict that would be the best sex you’ll ever have.
I’m not saying go ahead and make the fantasy real. These things are hard to do right, and often have emotional aftereffects. But why not understand and be grateful for the remarkable woman who is your girlfriend? Play with the fantasy, both of you together, have fun with it, talk about, fuck about it, have a good time together.
Buddy, you have an amazing girlfriend. Don’t let her go! There’ll be plenty of guys out there who’ll appreciate what she has to offer. Relax, and enjoy it. Enjoy HER. Okay?
Troubadour
If you’re feeling jealous I wouldn’t blame ya, I’m sure I’d feel the same way if a chick I think I truly love (at the time) wanted to bang two dudes in front of me. Just keep in mind the deeper you draw out her inner slut, the more slutty she’s going to want to get. Tis the tradeoff for unshackling the chains of repression inside your woman. Here’re some options you have tho:
1) I’d say something like “You know what sweetie, at first I was jealous when you told me about xxx fantasy, but I’m going to let you do it. It’s going to be extra special. We’re going to have an orgy. You can fuck two guys that *I* pick and I’m going to fuck two girls, you’re picking them both with my final approval. We’ll all be in the same room so we can make sure we’re safe and we can look into each other’s eyes knowing we’re in a different world, blah blah”
Or if you have balls of steel and some cash, heres an addendum to that idea:
Have some sort of camera/webcam or something in two seperate rooms on a projector screen, that way you can both watch each other fulfill your fantasies while living your own. Make sure she understands that the camera must remain exposed and running the whole time, and that you have the final say as to what does and doesn’t happen.
Check out craigslist and xpeeps to find participants.
2) Let her know she can do that, as long as she goes out with you and picks up women with you to share. Then when it comes time to let her fuck two other dudes, say something like “Baby, I don’t mind sharing you to fulfill your fantasy. I’m calling the shots and I’ll be participating as well. I’m picking the dudes and I’ll watch as well as participate. You’ll be disciplined for being such a filthy slut by getting stuffed by three cavemen. It’ll be a blast!”
Then see if any of her gfs are down to be in on the fun. Basically it’d be 3-4 dudes running train on 2-3 chicks.
If you’re going to have random dudes off the internet or the street fuck your chick as opposed to your bros, make sure they rubber up and make sure you have access to a decent weapon like a gun or a ninja sword (yes, ninja sword) just in case shit gets hairy.
I can’t think of anything else. Let her do her thing, just make sure you’re included in it so that you retain your dominance. If you don’t let her she’ll find a way of doing it behind your back, which will be worse because you have no control over what she’s doing, and she’ll dump you first. You may as well let her and appropriately demote her gf status.
A lot of people are saying that you have to be an ‘exceptional man’ to allow your woman to do something like this. Obviously that is only true according to the right context. If one of your main goals in life was to expertly fulfill any and all sexual fantasies of a chosen woman, then you might go through with it and be exceptional in that regard.
But thats all. Don’t be so naive to think that you are wrong to disregard your own ethics for what someone else wants. Be exceptional and have a backbone and stand up for what you want and what you don’t. Ultimately it’s about what kind of relationship YOU want, and what kind of woman you want.
And no, you should not get angry with her and accuse her of being a slut for saying it. She just wants something different than you (if not doing it is what you truly want). If it is something that she really wants and you feel she does not match with who you are, then who cares?
Again, being a ‘MAN’ doesn’t have anything to do with being ok OR not being ok with your woman having sex with other guys. If your in a relationship that isn’t what you want, then you need to be a man and go out and get it.
Are you kidding me? I guess you gotta figure out what you want. Do you want a whore for a gf and you can freely bang any chick you want and she’ll be cool with it. If you let her do this you definitely need to get her to let you bang her and one of her super hot friends, if she has any. I would scratch this and dump her,she sounds like adirty whore, there are more wholesome women out there.
Do you have any of David’s materials? If not you need to get them. If so you need to go back STUDY them and take notes!
You had a great opportunity to leverage her fantasy to provide both of you with mind blowing sex that very night. Get her naked on your bed and start narrating a fantasy.
“Oh baby, you are so naughty for wanting to fuck two guys and have me watch, but it makes me VERRRY excited. And it makes you sooo wet and excited to watch me jack-off my hard cock as you’re getting fucked hard. You’re a dirty little bitch for wanting two, HARD, throbbing cocks inside you at the same time.”
At this point start slide a well lubricated finger in and out of her ass.
“Baby, show them how good of a FUCK you are. Show them how hard you can COME. Come, come like a good little girl, come now! Come hard!”
You get the idea. She has given you a nice open loop to work with. Don’t worry about her running out and finding two guys to fuck her because she has a FANTASY. USE that fantasy in her favor. Remember that a woman’s orgasm has a huge mental aspect to it. It is not neccessary to physically act it out. It can remain a fantasy. Just intensify it and make it more powerful. Think how much she’ll enjoy you engaging her on that level. And when the fantasy is over YOU will be the one she associates with her continued pleasure. I mind read that you wouldn’t mind having her watch you fuck two girls. I know I wouldn’t mind my girl watching me. Remember weird, freaky fantasies are NORMAL and healthy. They are NOT a sign that she is going to cheat on you. Once again, all the answers are in David’s materials so re-read and STUDY them and then put the technologies into practice. I can’t remember where, but in one of his materials David says how exciting it is to watch his woman get fucked by another guy, the look on her face as she’s getting off, etc. Remember, it’s all about giving HER pleasure in an atmosphere of mutual respect.
Brandon Joki
In the past couple of years, I’ve learned so much from David that any response I could give to any sexual question would be at least somewhat grounded in his way of seeing things. I look forward to what he has to say on this topic. To my mind however, you need to take a step back and reassume control of your life and relationship. I have three suggestions.
First, if you don’t want this fantasy to become a reality, simply declare that. If a gay man told you that he has always fantasized about you and he’d like to make it a reality, you’d turn him down by polite refusal or maybe a solid punch to the jaw. What’s the difference here? You don’t have any value attached to the gay man… you seem to have all your value attached to her. Stop that! It’s a simple smile and a “Never gonna happen babe, but if you need a few minutes to masturbate I can go take a shower†and the fantasy has passed like finger-food you don’t like on the tray of a walking waiter.
Second, don’t take her fantasy personally and don’t analyze it to death. The fantasy likely has nothing to do with you, any more than your fantasies about – pick your dirtiest one – have anything to do with her. It is merely a reflection of her deepest sexual drives and make-up, tailored for her imagination based on feelings, not reason.
For the same reason, your analysis of why why WHY-DAMMIT! she has this fantasy is understandable but hopeless, and potentially damaging. It’s like watching a child dancing and playing in the rain, trying to freeze it, and understand the mechanics behind it. Not only do you drain the potentially beautiful passion from the moment, you run the risk of killing the moment entirely. Play along, dance along, and if you can’t enjoy it, at the very least observe it. Don’t crystallize it with logic. A good stock broker doesn’t use emotions to figure out the logic of the market. A good lover doesn’t use logic to figure out the emotions of sex.
Third, stepping back into the situation, make the most out of it. You have two choices. Satisfy your ego, get angry, break up with her, and rekindle the friendship with your forearm. Or satisfy her, let her immerse herself in the fantasy while you blow her mind with David’s techniques, and see where it goes.
It won’t go anywhere negative. Maybe she’ll explore deeper the part of her sexuality that’s triggered this fantasy, and discover other fantasies that turn you on as well. Maybe she sensed this jealous, insecure side of you and she was just testing it all along – in which case you will have passed with flying colors. Maybe she will enjoy the experience and then move on from it like a satisfied craving. Or maybe she will become attached to it and demand that you make it real for her – in which case (presupposing you’re still averse to the fantasy) you move on from her, accepting her as she is, accepting yourself as different, and appreciating the relationship you’ve had.
I write this email with sympathy, and any guy that tells you he wouldn’t feel a pang of jealousy if his girl said that is full of it. But transcend that impulse of the ego and man up. Don’t let your relationship suffer for your own insecurities, and don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Good luck bro!
- Dan S, 20, NY
Those are perversions of pain – to you.
You really should consider that do you want to share yourself with woman whose respect and intrest level are that low?
Think about it, would she ever fantasize about two anonymous guys, if her interest level were high? If she was with Brad Pitt, George Clooney etc. would she fantasize about things like that?
No.
And definetly you shouldn’t expect to hear anything like that from your woman – I think.
Yea yeah, she trusts you, but in that case she’s not too smart.
So, now you can live with fear that she will make those fantazies real, or that she won’t – then it’s ok, if you can deal with her secret wish.
Or maybe, you tell her that she can have her fantasy, but you’re out to find someone who really is a TRUE woman and worth of your time.
Then NEXT her and walk away. This will, btw, raise her interest level and respect.
So you should talk with her, and dig deeper to find out what is it all about, but remember my advice.
To hell with that bullshit that you should take any shit from woman, just to be her sexpuppy!
You should give it to her only if she deserves it.
Know your value man!
First of – congratulations on satisfying your woman so well. One can really read it off your letter.
The way I see it, what actually happens is a very good thing, which you are taking the wrong way. Let me clarify: What she is doing is sharing a fantasy with you. What this means is that she feels deeply intimate with you, and she trusts you. She feels that you´ve opened up her sexuality, and she feels comfortable to extend the boundaries.
I would have to guess from this point on. Here’s my take on it: Your woman is a very visual person. It really turns her on, if you find her sexy while you are having sex with her. I won’t be surprised, if she enjoys it very much to masturbate in front of you, and gets very excited if you like what you see. So her telling you, she wants to be taken by two guys in front of you is her wish to perform for you even more.
What you don’t see is – this fantasy is not about the other two guys – it’s about you. It’s about you getting incredibly aroused by her having a threesome. Without you this fantasy is worthless. You obviously share deep intimacy, and that’s why she wants YOU to watch her, and not just anybody. She wants YOU to share this moment, otherwise it’s not as arousing. People who share such a deep intimacy want to make their fantasies reality WITH their partner, otherwise they are not that arousing.
The root of you not seeing this is your insecurity. You feel rejected, because she doesn’t want you to penetrate her, but just to watch. And this makes you incredibly jealous. You start thinking logicaly about it, and can’t understand how she could even consider something like this. And believe me – I know where you’re coming from. It won’t be a turn on for me either to watch my women get fucked by two guys. But that’s all there is to it – it’s just not a turn on. If she shares a fantasy with you, it doesn’t mean that you should do exactly what she tells you. It’s normal not to be turned on by EXACTLY the same thing. BUT you can use the clues she is giving you to your advantage. For instance her wish for you to watch her perform FOR YOU. You can incorprate it in you sex life, by talking to her, when you have sex, how much it turns you on to watch her do X an Y for you (replace X and Y accordingly), and how sexy it is. I hope you see what I mean.
I hope this helped you see, that what your woman is telling you is actually a very good thing. You have really something special going on there, and you are about to destroy it, by taking it the wrong way. Don’t be jealous, just transform her fantasy into something, that you both like and enjoy it. Or if you care to make HER fantasy real for her – use hypnosis. She will thank you for it.
best regards,
IJ, Bulgaria
P.S. Excuse me for possible errors in my text, I’m not a native speaker.
I think its natural for you to feel a bit hurt or threatened if your women tells you that she fantasizes about doing it with other guys. It doesn’t take much intelligence to realise that if a women is going to be unfaithful to you, its first going to start off as a fantasy in her mind. However, you need to put things into perspective. Everyone has fantasies. Fantasies serve an important purpose and they are a normal and essential component to the human sexual drive. Even if you ditch this girl, your next girlfriend will have fantasies too. Some girls might be to afraid to share their fantasies, but they still have them. So either you can feel threatened or hurt by them and bury your head in the sand and deny their existence or you can be a man and rise above that… and learn to harness their power. Used in the right way, fantasies can be used as a tool to empower your women, increase her responsiveness to you and provide her with even greater sexual pleasure. Instead of seeing fantasies as a threat, learn to view them as the fuel that fires up her passion and sexual drive.
In this reply, I will suggest 2 approaches on how to deal with her fantasies. First, I will suggest a way of leveraging her fantasies to give her more pleasure and to associate those feelings with you. Second, if you still feel threatened or uncomfortable with her fantasies, I will suggest a few things that you can do to control her thought processes during sex so that you limit the opportunity for her to have those fantasies while she is having sex with you.
1. Leverage her fantasies.
————————————–
This approach basically involves leveraging her fantasies to get her into a heightened state of sexual arousal. Once you have her in that state you can link the feeling she feels (and the orgasm) to yourself. There are a few steps to this process:
1. Make her feel safe – You need to make her feel safe and comfortable to share with you all the details of her fantasies. In your post you said that you were angry and hurt when she told you her fantasy. This kind of breaks her trust with you. She will be to afraid to tell you all the details of her fantasies because she will worry that you will judge her and get upset. So you have a lot of damage control to do. You need to build up that trust again. You need to make her feel safe and secure and comfortable. You need to reassure her that its safe for her to share this part of herself with you.
2. Elicit the key states that the fantasy induces – Once she feels safe with you, you need to explore her fantasies in detail. You need to probe into her fantasy and find out how and why it excites her. You need to understand how and why the fantasy pushes her hot buttons. You need to know what her hot buttons are. You need to get in touch with the feelings that this fantasy produces in her. Maybe the feeling of being submissive to the raw masculity of 3 guys excites her, maybe it excites her to see you powerless and jealous, you need to ask her. A few quetions that you can ask her are: “what is it about this fantasy that excites you?”; “How would you feel if you were looking into my eyes while you were getting f*cked by two other guys?” ; “what do you feel when you think of this fantasy?” ; “what do you think I would be feeling while I watched you being f*cked by two guys?” , “what do you think of just before you cum?” etc. These are just suggestions, think of some other questions to uncover what excites her about the fantasy.
3. – Set some boundaries – I take it from your post that you want a monogomous relationship with this women. Let her know that you require monogomy and faithfulness from her. Let her know that its okay to share in your deepest most erotic fantasies together in the context of giving each other increased pleasure in a monogomous relationship… i.e. let her know that you want to use fantasies to deepen the love, intimacy and connection between you. If she loves you and respects you, she will want this too.
4. – Build a state of peak sexual arousal in her by by feeding her fantasies back to her during sex – In this step you need to use her fantasies to bring her to the point of excruiciating pleasure. Repeat her fantasy back to her during sex in just the way she likes it. Make good use of the information you gathered in step 2. Take your time in building up a peak state of sexual arousal in her. It may be helpful to use a blindful to increase her focus on your voice and your touch. Once she is in that peak state of sexual pleasure, you need to alter her fantasy in such a way that the climax of the fantasy is when she finally gives herself to YOU. In other words, you use the fantasy to get her to feel completely aroused, but you want to associate a feeling of surrender or of “giving herself to you” to the climax and orgasm.
5. Use David Shades Orgasm on Command technique – Once she is at that climactic point… the point where she has given herself to you in the fantasy… you can try prolonging the climax for awhile. In step 2 she would have told you what feelings the fantasy arouses in her. In the climax, just before she orgasms, make her feel like YOU are the one giving those feelings to her. For example, lets say the fantasy turns her on because the feeling of surrendering herself to the raw masculinity of 2 guys” turns her on. You can feed that back to her while you f*ck her by say things like, (amongst other dirty talk) “You love the feeling of surrendering yourself to my raw masculinity, don’t you?”, “I am f*cking you harder than 2 guys can ever fuck you”. Use her words. Feed them back to her during dirty talk.
Then finish off using David Shades orgasm on command technique so that she associates the orgasm to you.
2. Direct her thoughts during sex.
———————————————–
If her fantasies cause too much anxiety in you. You can bypass them by directing her thoughts during sex.
The key is to make it interactive so that you can be sure she is listening to you and not engrossed in a fantasy in her mind e.g. if you f*ck her, use dirty talk, make it interactive by using questions like, “You like it when I f*ck you like a slut, don’t you?” . David Shade has heaps of material on how you can direct her thoughts during sex. Basically, as you touch her, describe the feelings you want your touch to induce e.g. as you are stimulating her clit you can describe to her how the feeling turns her on… ignites her passion..and makes her feel connected to you… etc. Lace your words with NLP e.g. “as I am rubbing your clit, you might find yourself feeling this burning desire deep inside you… this desire that makes you want to feel my masculinity penetrating you deep inside.
Try exploring her fantasies like I mentioned in Step 2 of my previous suggestion. This way you an find out what her hot buttons are, what feelings turn her on etc. Use that as you your speech as you guide her thoughts.
The key thing here is to guide her thoughts so that you minimize her inclination to fantasize. You get the idea?
Friend, it’s all about giving women incredible pleasure. My comment will seem unconventional (read misguided to most guys uncomfortable with their own masculinity). Here goes anyway. If that’s the way she wants her pleasure, help her have it. I would find it terribly exciting and erotic to watch my partner having sex with two guys — especially if they knew what they were doing and were giving her incredible pleasure. Women are not property. They do not belong to a man any more than a man belongs to them. It’s an arrangement where both parties get something in the relationship — everybody wins. If a woman says she wants to be intimate with someone and if you agree there is nothing wrong with her doing so in my book. Being present while she is experiencing incredible pleasure is a shared experience between the two of you. It’s a gift that you can give her — the gift of understanding and accepting her need for fulfillment in that way. It’s very loving and very sexy. It will strengthen the bond between you believe it or not — assuming you don’t have hangups about her enjoying herself.
If she does it behind your back, that’s a breach of trust and an entirely different matter. That will damage (or destroy) the relationship. One last thought. You can’t wear it out — I’ve tried. You should be able to enjoy her sexually even more because she has experienced more of it herself. She will be a better lover and if you can get your head around it, you will have a new appreciation of her as a sexual partner. Incidentally, you are to be commended on establishing a comfort level for her where she feels safe sharing her fantasies with you..
Dear ANONYMOUS,
YOU feel BAD about your woman’s fantasies.
I got news …
YOU got the PROBLEM.
What you should do is reframe the situation.
REALIZE that YOUR WOMAN TRUST YOU enough to tell you her darkest fantasies.
YOU ARE LUCKY! Be strong and open minded, DO NOT JUDGE HER, she has a right to her own dreams (Doesn’t mean you have to follow). APPRECIATE THE PRESENT and how lucky you are that your woman is clear and straight forward with you.
Think about it, YOU HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT enough to feel like your woman always wants and needs to HAVE YOU BEING THE ALPHA LEADER.
El Arcangel
PS.
FUCK THE PRICE!
David, forgive my sloppy answer but is 4:00 am and I just came home from having few drinks with some friends.
It will be a pleasure to meet you and share thoughts (I separated from my wife and best friend of 6 years recently).
I been doing some strong inner work but I feel defeated anyways.
First off, this is not at all an unusual fantasy. Women quite often have gang bang, rape, or other similar fantasies, some of which are quite extreme. Feel glad that she trusts you enough to reveal such ’socially inappropriate’ things to you, she clearly trusts you a lot. Don’t freak out, or she’ll pull back and you’ll have a bitch of a time ever getting that level of trust in the future.
Second, if you were considering doing this, understand that there’s a difference between sex and love. You can have plenty of sex completely devoid of emotional context, and enjoy many loving relationships where there’s no sex involved. In a fantastical situation like that, she probably doesn’t even have faces attached to the men who would do her. The chances of her wanting to throw you over for these two anonymous guys is nil (unless your relationship is weak… unlikely, given the trust she has in you by sharing this fantasy!)
Third, and admittedly this is a bit of a mercenary way to look at it… what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, my friend. You’d be setting the foundation for a much more lively sexual life. Again, you’d need to work on separating the physical from the emotional, but when you do believe me your life will be a very fun place. ;)
HTH.
~ Rick
Thanks BP for pointing out my ‘error’: yes, it is hurt by her (not hurted) – one day I will master English as a second language.
What I meant: the guy felt hurt – I’m not saying she intentionally wanted to hurt him – the outcome was him being hurt – so, being sincere can be painfull – she (presumably…) opened up and he freaked out – I called it ‘testing him’, whereas most of the comments refer to her being sincere and confiding in him – I guess I was too harsh on her – ah well, so much to learn…
I’ve hit this thread late enough that it’s probably already stale, but I thought it was interesting enough to warrant a reply. I’ll skip over the writing style of the letter, and stick with the specifics of the situation.
Anyway: of course she was telling the truth. As for whether she’d like to see the fantasy happen, that’s hard to say; from the circumstances I suspect the answer is “Yes, as long as it wouldn’t destroy the relationship or end in negative consequences in some other way”.
The letter-writer has screwed the pooch in a variety of ways; damage control may still be possible at this stage, but I wouldn’t put money on it. So, his mistakes:
Mistake One: He wasn’t careful what he asked for
If you are a sensible person, you don’t walk down dark streets in dangerous cities at night without facing the possibility that you might be mugged. You don’t go out in the sun all day without accepting that you might get burned. You don’t order cheesecake and expect it to be non-dairy.
Exactly the same principle dictates that you should not ask a woman what her sexual fantasies are without expecting to hear, AMONG OTHER THINGS, about her having her orifices crammed with dick of possibly dubious origin. That’s just the way it goes. The fact that he jumped into the deep end of the pool when he wasn’t ready to swim should not be considered to reflect negatively on his woman, nor should her fantasies; judging people for what turns them on is, really, little more than a cruel joke.
So, the poster’s woman mistakenly did what he claimed he wanted by sharing her fantasy – a monumental act of trust. But that’s not what he really wanted, because…
Mistake Two: His expectations were unclear and his messages were mixed
These two quotes really say it all -
“it really freaked me out just the tought of it and it made me angry the fact that she fantazies with that…”
“I want to make clear that i don’t have any hang-ups on sex and i don’t judge it in any way”
So. The Anonymous Poster wanted to make it clear to his woman that he doesn’t have hang-ups (which he does), or judge her (which he ALSO does). This is, understandably, difficult. In effect he is either asking “David, how do I lie to my woman and myself?” or “David, how do I get over my issues?” — and I’d be more inclined, reading his letter, to say he’s leaning toward the former than the latter.
In effect, he set a double bind for his woman by asking the question at all – a relationship situation in which multiple conflicting and sometimes impossible demands are made. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind) Something like the following:
Tell me your fantasies [but don't tell me things that will disturb me, like a fantasy about doing other men in front of me] [but tell me the truth] – an impossible demand for her to satisfy. In fact, the only thing that says to me that the poster was doing something RIGHT in the first place is the fact that his woman responded to this by doing what he said he wanted in the first place; a serious risk -precisely- because it can create the kind of situation that it did.
In the future, she will presumably know better than to give him things he says he wants.
Mistake Three: He has no faith in his woman or himself
When the poster finds out that his woman has a fantasy involving other men, he IMMEDIATELY assumes that the appeal of it is that it hurts him; he provides no actual reason why he assumes this of all possible motivations is the case.
This kind of says it all -
“i just can’t figure out the reason of why she would love to do it in front of me, what kind of sick thing is that? Would she love to watch me get jealous, would she love to watch how i get when i watch her being taken by two guys? Would she love to hurt me that way? because i’ve heard that the whole fact of women cheating is more like a fantasy they all have, that they find pleasure in the act of making fun of their partner”
It seems to me that he has some deep underlying issues with both women and his own self-worth; the fact that this possibility even registers seriously in his mind (nevermind that it’s the FIRST thing he thinks of) says to me that this is what he unconsciously expects – that women fantasize sexually about mocking and hurting men.
I would advise him to start by reading a book like My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, to get a feel for what womens’ fantasies are actually like. After that, I would suggest that he try to imagine other reasons that his woman might be interested in it.
I would NOT advise him to explore this fantasy with his woman, because he isn’t ready to handle it and if he claims to the obvious lie would be destructive to whatever trust remains between them sexually after his stumble.
-Hitori
Umm…dunno for sure, but this guy may actually be my BBT–or he was at the time. The date is right for what we were discussing last summer and he does write “hurted” for “hurt” and does spell “thought” as “tought”….
Anyways, he never said to me what he said in this email. He acted as if he was all cool with it or something. But after, he changed. He even said once that he didn’t think of me the way he used to and no longer had “sentimental” feelings for me. He asked me to give a hand job to his best friend, and later wanted me to give him a bj…in each case while he watched. He basically started treating me as a masturbation aid.
So we’ve drifted apart…big duh! He doesn’t have a new girlfriend. I’ve moved on.
Moral: Don’t ask if you really don’t want to know.
You need to call her bluff. Take her up on the offer to see her getting f**k by two guys while you watch. This way, she can enjoy her fantasy and you can prove to her that she does not control you, that your happiness does not depend on her fidelity. Also, encourage her to make fun of you while she does the deed for further benefits to your ego. Remember: your happiness and self-worth comes from within and not from any other person, especially a woman. See this as a spiritual exercise, perhaps a painful one, but one that you need. Apparantly, your karma has brought you to this place. Now you need to live it.